[Disclaimer: This article is a "fake news" piece. Proceed at your own risk!]
A hastily written script entitled the “Penis Prologue” is scheduled to be read by Michigan Speaker James Bolger on the Michigan State Capitol steps Friday before hundreds of male counter-protesters. The reading is in response to Rep. Lisa Brown’s performance of the “Vagina Monologues” on Monday, and is sure to heat up the war of the sexes.
The insertion of the “Penis Prologue” into the Vagina debates comes at a time when male lawmakers are feeling particularly vulnerable and emasculated at the hands of their female counterparts.
“We, as a gender, are finding it harder and harder to maintain our power,” said Bolger upon readily accepting the challenge to read the “Penis Prologue” in its entirety.
Not yet complete, Bolger says the “Penis Prologue” is being written by some of the wittiest minds in the Republican speech writing business.
“It won’t be that long, I can promise you that. Five, six minutes tops and we’ll be finished,” said Bolger.
“Oh, and it won’t have any of that long-drawn out ‘my penis can take over the world’ kinda stuff either.”
While Bolger says he’s not privy to all that will be in the Prologue, he could tell us this much: “It will consist of only one act and FYI, we men have way better nicknames for our wangdangdoodles than the women.”
Asked to elaborate, Bolger would only divulge a few names, such as the ‘Dicktator’ and the ‘Lincoln Log.’
Rush Limbaugh has committed to being at the official reading and will be handing out cigars to the crowd once the act is finished.
Latest posts by P. Beckert (see all)
- Elizabeth Warren Seeks Professional Help for OCD After Endorsing Clinton - June 14, 2016
- GOP to Bring in The Fixer: ‘Turd Blossom’ Karl Rove - April 14, 2016
- Donald Trump: ‘Thin Skin’ Disorder May Lead to Undoing - March 18, 2016