[Disclaimer: This article is satire, or what we used to call "fake news" before actual fake news started poisoning the political discourse!]
Was his introduction of Paul Ryan as “the next president” actually a Freudian slip?
Mitt Romney has asked the GOP to look into the possibility of trading his top spot on the Presidential ticket with his choice for Vice President, Paul Ryan.
Citing reasons such as “I don’t want to do this anymore,” and “I just found out how little the President actually earns,” as justification for his request, Romney is hoping the GOP will come up with an answer for him in enough time so that he can deliver the news at the GOP convention being held in Tampa the week of August 27, 2012.
“I had no idea campaigning for President would be so hard,” whined Romney in his letter to GOP Chairman, Reince Priebus.
“And today, I get this e-mail from Dick Cheney telling me that once I’m President, he’s gonna be in charge again, so I better get used to it. I mean, who died and left him boss?”
Romney claims that once he saw how energetic Ryan was the first few days after being introduced as the Vice Presidential pick, he knew Ryan would make a much better President.
“If nothing else, I think Ryan could totally kick Cheney’s butt,” wrote Romney to Priebus. “Plus, the kid is a dynamo who actually already has a budget plan in place. I have to tell you, Reince, I was getting pretty darned tired of saying I had a budget plan just to keep the base ignited, when, in fact, I had nothing.”
“Besides that, I honestly don’t know what I stand for anymore. I thought I was for women’s rights until they kept telling me I’m not supposed to be for women’s rights. You know, that kinda put a real kink in my marriage. I was getting it from both sides,” he said.
“At least with Ryan, if he says he doesn’t give a whit about women’s rights, and his wife is OK with that, then it makes more sense for him to be saying that kinda stuff.”
In closing, Romney assured Priebus that he would be as good a Vice President as Joe Biden.
“Look, Reince, what it comes down to is this. Romney/Ryan, Ryan/Romney, in the big scheme of things neither one of us is really going to be the power behind the presidency, so please, I’m begging you, don’t make me be leader of the free world or so help me God, I’ll pull a Rick Perry on you.”
Latest posts by P. Beckert (see all)
- Trump Orders All Cabinet Members to Wear Shock Collars - February 27, 2017
- ‘Inauguration Roast’ to Replace Standard Swearing-In Ceremony - January 18, 2017
- Trump Resigns Over Mandatory Reading Assignments from DOD - January 2, 2017
Like the above content? Leave a comment below! Get notified of new content on HumorTimes.com: Subscribe via email!