[Disclaimer: This article is satire, or what we used to call "fake news" before actual fake news started poisoning the political discourse!]
The King of Weasels shares his secrets: Karl Rove on his new book
Greetings, fellow Americans. Karl Rove here.
Are you one of the downtrodden folk who have never had a lucky break? I was one too, but I am going to pass on to you how you can break out of that bad luck cycle with my new book, Weaseling Your Way To Success!
As a child I was unattractive, unpopular and as dorky as Popeye going through spinach withdrawals. But I powered through all that to the very top echelons of our society. This book, which has become a top seller on the Neo-Nazi learn-to-read program, will show you all the conniving tricks you need to know to claw your way to the top by undermining everyone else.
- Ethics Are For Schmucks
- Joseph Goebbels 10 Steps To Schmoozing Everyone
- Why Lincoln’s Statement “You can’t fool all the people all the time” Is A Handicap Needing To Be Overcome. (I sincerely believe that if a person tries hard enough he CAN learn to fool ALL the people All the time. )
- Making Yourself Look Good By Making Your Opponent Look Bad. (The only real way to win anything!)
- Getting A Good Front Man In Political Office To Divert Everyone’s Attention While We Manipulate Things From Behind The Scenes. (We almost had this down to perfection in the golden years of the Bush/Cheney domination.)
- How To Get Selfish Personal, Partisan And Corporate Legislation To Look Like It Is Patriotic And Good For The Whole Country.
Remember, to be successful the Karl Rove way, use the key word: L-I-E-S.
L = Less work
I = Intelligent reorientation of the truth.
E = Effective scheming.
S = Spice up the story.
To get ahead of the game as a far right wing idealist, one cannot be tripping over such things as ‘having a conscience’ or ‘being moral.’ ‘Being moral’ is something we’ll leave to the preachers to preach to keep the masses under control.
One very important thing to remember — keep yourself in the background as much as possible. You can’t be a good weasel if everyone sees what you are doing!
Be sure to buy my book now! I can never have enough money or compliant followers!
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