[Disclaimer: This article is satire, or what we used to call "fake news" before actual fake news started poisoning the political discourse!]
President calls Isaac a ‘legitimate tropical storm,’ and is confident Republicans have ways of shutting that whole thing downBy Matt Rock, PardonthePundit.com
President Obama spoke earlier today from the White House, explaining the federal government’s preparations for Tropical Storm Isaac. But some are criticizing the president for allegedly downplaying the potential natural disaster, and playing politics with a storm that is predicted to become a hurricane.
“We aren’t taking the threat of Tropical Storm Isaac lightly. We’re taking every precaution to ensure the safety of the people of the Gulf region,” President Obama stated during the press conference. “Seek shelter, board up windows, and be mindful of flying debris. This advice might just save your life someday.”
That’s when the president offered what many consider to be startling advice. “We realize the Republican National Convention is a major event, and that it’s sitting right in the path of the storm. We want to make sure those attending the RNC are safe. We’ve set up an evacuation center in the roofless warehouse of a nearby glass factory, which we’ve loaded up with nails. This will let evacuees fix the place up so it’s nice and cozy, and pretty, you know, with all of that glass.”
The president plowed straight through the gasps of the press pool. “If you can’t evacuate to the warehouse, please tie yourself up to a fence, outdoors. It might seem counter-intuitive, but being outside, in the storm, tied to a weak fence, is the safest place to be in a tropical storm. You can keep that piece of fence from flying around as debris, causing untold damage to others.”
This was when Obama convinced some that his motives were political. “But please, only take those steps if you’re attending the Republican National Convention! Everyone else should board up their windows, lock their doors, and head for shelter. But this is a legitimate tropical storm, and Republican bodies have ways of shutting that whole thing down, so we need them out in the thick of it. They might just save America as we know it!”
This article first appeared at PardonthePundit.com. Reprinted with permission.
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