[Disclaimer: This article is satire, or what we used to call "fake news" before actual fake news started poisoning the political discourse!]
There is talk on the liberal front of actually folding up tables, picking up sticks, throwing in the towel, and calling it quits, after witnessing one of the most dishonest displays ever in the history of elections at work during the RNC convention.
Martin Schlumley, a key member of the Green Party, and the man who first suggested the liberal movement give up on trying to change the way things are done in Washington, said that his point was not only driven home Wednesday night, but damn near knocked the front door in when Paul Ryan blatantly stood before America and told bold-faced, out-and-out lies about the President, his administration, and his plans for the future.
“My mom told me many things that have stuck with me throughout the years,” said Schlumley at a hastily-arranged meeting at JC’s Co-op and Homegrown Emporium in Tampa, Florida. “The most important thing she said was this ‘when the chips are down, walk away.’ Well,” said Schlumley, “we are finally ready to walk away and let the Republicans have everything.”
Asked if that isn’t a sure way to bring this country down, Schlumley asked, “And your point is?”
Meanwhile, word of the plan to bow out has some members of the GOP wondering how they will carry on if they have no one but themselves to argue with.
“We are terrible at playing devil’s advocate,” said Rudolph ‘Rudy’ Priebus, brother of Reince Priebus and co-chairman of the RNC.
“We absolutely have only one channel and without any feedback, we are doomed.”
Pundits from both camps are trying to figure out what to do next.
Rachel Maddow was as speechless as she was having just witnessed Clint Eastwood talking to an empty chair but managed to get in one comment. “Uh, so what exactly will be my role in all this?”
The move had Fox News scrambling to find someone, anyone to fight back.
“Hell, we can’t do this alone, we’ll destroy ourselves,” said Bill O’Reilly. “I can’t go on the attack if the only people I’m attacking are the people I’m supposed to be defending,” then left the room holding his head calling Schlumley’s announcement abominable and begging for a few minutes to lie down and digest the enormity of the situation.
“Hey, it’s not our fault,” said Schlumley. “We put up a good fight but we just aren’t going to keep blowing good money after bad on what? An election that is eventually going to end up just like 2000 where money and dishonesty bought a Presidency? No thank you, sir. We’re done.”
And with that, Schlumley left the room, making sure to turn off the light on his way out to conserve energy.
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