[Disclaimer: This article is satire, or what we used to call "fake news" before actual fake news started poisoning the political discourse!]
Could The Donald simply be an alien transport vehicle? Group says birth certificate would settle the question
An independent group of concerned citizens is demanding that Donald Trump make his birth certificate public, to prove that he is not really a space alien from another planet.
Concerns from the United Citizens Group for Raising a Fuss (UCGRF) has been voicing doubts about the mega-lo billionaire, saying that Trump continually exhibits signs that he is not really from planet earth. UCGRF cites the obviously non-human hair follicles Mr. Trump sports on top of his head, saying they suspect that this is the actual alien, and that the rest of the body is just a humanoid mockup to help him fit in better with the rest of us.
They also point out Trump’s iron-clad ego and his seemingly endless self-esteem, as well as his satisfaction in demeaning and controlling those “lesser humans” around him, as evidence of alien origin.
Much commentary has been made of his “unearthly” and “exotic” (gaudy) taste in architecture and its décor as well. “I would dare to say it is other-worldly,” stated UCGRF chairman Many Elsenwipe, who is an interior decorator and a bit astral himself. “He must be from Uranus or something,” sniggered Elsewipe, who then laughed himself silly at his own witticism.
Some critics have also pointed out his ex-wife’s weird name (Ivana), but research has determined that it is just because she is Czech.
Conservative reactionaries rant that this new demand is really a just liberal reaction to those questioning Obama’s birth certificate, which the left says is a reaction to their roasting Bush Junior, which conservatives say is a reaction to their witch hunting Bill Clinton, which liberals say is a reaction to the gonad-ripping Bush the First got, and this can go on forever and ever, and I am getting a headache, so I’m stopping it right now.
Military research people from the Department of Checking Every Little Bit of Silliness for Evidence of Alien Infiltration On Earth (DCELBSEAIOE) have been following Mr. Trump secretly, and are troubled by the number of trips he has made to Roswell, New Mexico over the years. They are also a little creeped out by the way his hairpiece always seems to turn around on his head and stare at them when they shadow him.
Meanwhile, the hairpiece has recently put in its own bid for the U.S. Presidency, with the Hair Stand on End for America Party.
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