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[Disclaimer: This article is a "fake news" piece. Proceed at your own risk!]

What Is Responsible for the Strange Post Office Rammings? Al Qaeda or Alzheimers?

Sep 212012
 By , September 21, 2012

The Florida Postal Service has made an unusual request of their local patronage — to stop running into their Post Offices with their autos. There have recently been eight crashes supposedly due to ‘old timers’ tapping the gas pedal instead of the brake.

post office ramming

Photo: Jim Damaske, Tampa Bay Times.

Unbeknownst to the Postal authorities, there is an FBI scan that has tied the incidents to Florida Al Qaeda operatives who are dispatching suicide bombers to take out the facilities.

Unfortunately for them, their bomb parts were sent by mail from Saudi Arabia and didn’t arrive in time for their missions.

The bombers were forced to hit their targets without their bombs, a move that probably lost them at least 40 of their 76 virgins in the after life.

A second possibility that Federal agents are investigating is that some of the crashers were actually laid off Postal workers going postal in a new way. They may be taking a cue from Al Qaeda and attempting to try suicide explosives as a way of venting their grievances permanently.

Unfortunately, they ordered their bomb parts with next day delivery by UPS and also came up empty handed when the parcels came in the day after their spectacle.

More new developments will be posted as they occur.


NEW DEVELOPMENT: Since the news has been leaked of the FBI findings that Al Qaeda is behind the Post Office crashes, senior citizens out of boredom have been racing to Post Offices to see the fireworks, and are themselves crashing into the facilities.

Authorities are recommending that the elderly stay at home, hide under their tables and do as they are told.

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Roger Freed has a fertile, if somewhat warped, imagination. Read him at your own risk! More laugh gaffes available at Semi-Humorous Humor. For something in a more serious mode get "The Book Of Songs" by Roger Freed from A collection of short stories illustrating the subtle and powerful influence music can have on our minds and our spirits.

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  • Roger Freed

    Another smart, funny and relevant piece from Roger Freed, who always gets it right!