[Disclaimer: This article is satire, or what we used to call "fake news" before actual fake news started poisoning the political discourse!]
Warning: If the election goes as planned, something terrible may happen
Oh my God!!!!!! Oh my God!!!!!!! Stop the presses! This is too big … Somehow, some way, we’ve got to stop the election.
I’ve just discovered something … something terrible!
Something you won’t believe.
I’m at an off loading dock in Oakland for container ships. I’m typing this on my cell phone.
The Chinese … oh my God!! … The Red Chinese have totally infiltrated the election!
The real Obama and Romney have been kidnapped and taken to the Gobi Desert.
They have replaced them with exact replica droids! They look, talk and act like the real men. Romney especially. Obama’s cool was harder to recreate, but their technology has come a long way.
The Romney droid is like a Borg — half human, half ruthless machine. Of course the real Romney was like that too. The Obama droid is more of a Stepford Wife sort of thing.
Now no matter who wins the election, the Red Chinese will be in control!
The first thing they are going to do when they get in office is turn the country over to the Corporations.
Of course that was the real Romney’s plan anyway.
But the Chinese have already infiltrated them as well and the acting CEO’s are droids too. ALL Borgs! Which really isn’t a surprise. They put them in their positions back in 2007 with the intention of having them leach the money out of each company, which they have done very successfully I might add. The idea was to cause the recession so that they would become the world’s top economic power. This current election is just the last step in that plan.
Now they are poised to take over the entire country! We’ve got to warn America!
Aaaagh! A pain in the back of my head! Its from a cheap Chinese throwing star! Ow! Now I’m getting hit with a knock off Chinese nunchuk. They’ve got me! I’m finished!
It’s up to you to warn everyone!!!
Don’t try to save me! I’ll be dog food by tomorrow!!!!
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