[Disclaimer: This article is satire, or what we used to call "fake news" before actual fake news started poisoning the political discourse!]
Sheer prayer volume annoys Almighty God
We interrupt this website to bring you an important news development. God has appeared in the clouds above New York — the news media center of the United States, if not the whole world.
The Majestic One appeared upset and annoyed, his great continence etched with lines of anger and his eyes blazing.
His voice was powerful, echoing throughout every street and alley in Manhattan:
Could you all SHUT UP about all this petty “Please God, keep Obama in the Presidency!” and ”Oh Lord, this humble servant beseeches you to place Romney in the Oval Office for the good of the country and the world,” and all the other crap! I am trying to get some things done and I can’t get anything accomplished when I am interrupted every few micro-seconds with a constant “Lord this” and a “Lord that” harping me!
Neither candidate, let me repeat that, NEITHER CANDIDATE is doing ‘my work,’ OK? Neither one even knows what ‘My will’ is, got that? I don’t tell ANYONE what my will is, even Billy Graham,although he thinks he knows. I keep ‘my will’ to myself. I am subject to change at any minute and that is a luxury that I will continue to allow myself!
As far as these beloved candidates of yours are concerned they are small fry. They want to run the government, fine, let them battle it out.
It isn’t that big a deal. Remember, you all picked George W. Bush to do the job a few years ago and he handled it. Half-assed, yes, but he handled it!
Right now I have the Lord of Betelgeuse suing me because I accidentally wiped out a planet there that I thought had entered its last cycle when it was actually just beginning. Even that is not universally catastrophic. I would love to give that over to your boys and see how they handle it.
So, I’ll say this one more time: BUZZ OFF WITH THIS “GOD GIVE YOO-HOOO-HOO THE ELECTION!” They are big boys now; they can handle their own.
I have spoken! Hopefully for the last time!
With that the Lord Our God vanished back into the heavens.
Almost. A moment later His voice from afar echoed,
And you radical Muslims — quit praying for “Both of the American Satans to burn in an eternal Hell! I have heard it a trillion times today alone! I’m ready to let loose Armageddon if I get any more aggravation!
With that the clouds closed and all was silent.
At least for a few minutes.
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