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[Disclaimer: This article is satire, or what we used to call "fake news" before actual fake news started poisoning the political discourse!]

Seasonal Asset Disorder

Mar 252011
 By , March 25, 2011

Affliction reportedly exacerbated by tax season

A Humor Times Special Report

Seasonal Asset Disorder (SAD), also known as tax depression or tax blues, is a mood disorder in which people with abundant financial security experience feelings of scarcity and financial insecurity. The disorder is often brought on or exacerbated by tax season.

Although not considered a mental disease, SAD is classified as a mental disorder. Sufferers begin to feel what they have may not be enough, and then begin to be resentful regarding paying their share of taxes. Those with SAD often have trouble discerning wants from needs and the disorder can lead to extremely delusional thinking regarding what is enough.

Most people who get SAD just get SADDER and SADDER.

The disorder affects approximately 20% of the US population and can be severe for those making $300K per year or more. It effects an inordinate amount of sports stars, entertainers and congressmen. It is estimated that SAD costs the US billions of dollars each year in lost tax revenue.

Symptoms vary widely but often include a burning desire to establish trusts and foundations, a need to establish family vacation property as ranch property, or wanting to designate large family estates as agricultural land. SAD people move money to offshore accounts, believe pets are dependent children, and even claim charitable donations they have not made.

Most people with the disorder own more than one home and have several vehicles. Over half of the people with SAD have never worked at job other than managing the family trust.

If left completely untreated, many SAD people flock to the Republican and Tea Parties.

To severe sufferers, things like tax cuts for the rich, eliminating programs for senior citizens and even denying access to basic health care to individuals less fortunate can seem reasonable and responsible. “Crazy ideas can appear like good fundamental ideas to SAD people” said one clinical expert on the disorder.

It is important for those with Seasonal Asset Disorder to seek help from a professional. Unfortunately, most who do seek treatment look to tax accountants and tax attorneys only to find they too are SAD.

The Internal Revenue Service has set up calling centers and is standing by to get help quickly to those identified with SAD.

Reported by Kate Morrison, Humor Times Senior SAD correspondent

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Kate Morrison

Kate Morrison likes to make up stories, especially ones that could be true, on some level. That's why she writes fake news articles for the Humor Times!

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