[Disclaimer: This article is satire, or what we used to call "fake news" before actual fake news started poisoning the political discourse!]
“Israel and Palestine aren’t the only ones with problems,” says spokesman
A spontaneously assembled group of nations, tired of the constant turmoil coming out of Israel and Palestine, have united to build a wall entirely surrounding both lands. These countries, having attempted for years to introduce peace initiatives to both lands, have finally reached the end of their patience and are no longer willing to put up with the bullheaded, self-centered attitudes of the leaders and people of both sides.
Sweden, Germany, Turkey, Saudi Arabia, England, France to name a few have pooled their resources, engineering and skills and have virtually overnight erected a twenty foot high fence with razor wire topping it to box both the countries and their troubles in to save the rest of the world from a migraine.
Spokesman for the coalition of International Nations Who Have Had It Up To Here, Mr. Hvvaan Verdleer of Finland had this to say: “We just don’t understand how this little bit of land, Israel and Palestine, not even the size of Sicily combined, hijacks so much of the world’s attention. So great a disproportionate emphasis is put upon this little piece of the world. There are worse conflicts going on in other parts of the world that no one seems to give a whit about. What about the Congo, Sudan, Myanmar? If they were to get a dribble of the concern that the Holy Lands have gotten their crises would be over by now and they would all be having tea and crumpets together.”
Mr. Shatan Goobgeeb of India, a manager on the wall’s site, said, “A lot of the trouble seems to be that Christian, Jewish and Muslim people around the world consider this a great Holy Land. This is a Holy Land? Constant petty strife, unnecessary violence, unending bickering and oppression? Why couldn’t God have been smarter and chosen someplace nice like Hawaii or Bali? The world would have been a lot better for it than a place composed mostly of rocks, desert, salty lakes and bitchy people.”
The Americans, meanwhile, opposed the measure as they always do with things thought up by anyone but themselves, to which the team considered building a wall around the U.S. as well. It was then decided that America was doing a pretty good job of that already. Mexico, also fed up, agreed to help build the wall from their side.
The originator of the wall, Herman Sneedly of Scotland, has been nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize and Knighted by the Queen of England for the effort. Perhaps he did not bring peace to the Holy Lands, but definitely did bring it to the rest of the world.
Ironically, now that the wall is up, the Israelis now must dig tunnels under it to get supplies in just like the Palestinians had to do in Gaza under the Israeli army’s eye. Meanwhile, the rest of the world is getting some much needed sleep.
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