[Disclaimer: This article is satire, or what we used to call "fake news" before actual fake news started poisoning the political discourse!]
“Will Smear Someone for Food” — sign held by Karl Rove
Little has been seen of Karl Rove, Republican wunderkind of underhanded politics, since his horrendous humiliation due to Obama winning the Presidential election — until now.
Witnesses claim to have seen Karl Rove at various street corners around Washington holding a cardboard sign saying, “Will Smear Someone for Food.”
The former cornerstone of smarmy Republican underground politics looked bedraggled and had at least three days worth of beard stubble on his face. His eyes were reddened, his face bloated and people who talked with him said they could smell expensive bourbon on his breath.
Few seem to be taking Mr. Rove up on his offer, although Donald Trump did pull up in his stretch limo and gave him a few bucks after saying something about “Kenya” and “birth certificate” before peeling out.
Karl Rove, who has lost his golden boy stature with the Republicans since his smear blitz against Obama lost rich supporters 300 million dollars, has had a hard life lately.
Prior to his discovery on the streets, he was last seen having a hissy fit on FOX News, when even they conceded the election to President Obama. Anonymous sources say that he locked himself in a closet there and refused to come out. After 14 hours inside, they broke down the door because they could hear him starting to gnaw on the wood framing and screaming for his teddy bear Pookie.
It has been rumored that there are rich hit men out looking to grease the professional weasel for having lost so much of their hard connived money. It will be difficult for them to find him, however, as his appearance has changed dramatically. He has lost weight and had his trademarked ‘nerd boy’ glasses broken in a scuff with another homeless man over whose turf a particularly good street corner belonged to.
A number of the more ‘compassionate conservatives’ have created a donation pool to try to get the former propaganda minister off the streets, and have been making a big deal about it to the press.
“See?” said Sharon Biggott, after handing the new tramp one whole dollar bill, “We do take care of our own. We don’t leave them out to twist in the wind.”
A number of Democrats have also taken up a collection to have the pudgy pundit given a gun and shipped out to Afghanistan. The motto for their campaign is, “Get out and do something real for your country, if you think you are such a patriot!”
More on this story as it develops, unless he is found in an alley soused.
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