[Disclaimer: This article is satire, or what we used to call "fake news" before actual fake news started poisoning the political discourse!]
Thousands prefer plunge over fiscal cliff to listening to politicians
Driven to the brink of insanity by constant warnings from politicians regarding the fiscal cliff, thousands of Americans have gone ahead and jumped over the brink on their own.
Still reeling from a long, difficult election year, average Americans had just begun to recover from campaign shock, only to almost immediately be whopped with the threat of economic disaster. This, added to the stress caused by a long lasting recession has plunged the minds of the citizens into the psycho range. Given that Americans tend to follow the leader like sheep, it seems they have taken on lemming-like suicidal tendencies.
The constant bickering and back and forth trysts between Democrats and Republicans have kept the nation on a bed of nails. The Democrats, putting up a good face for their lower income constituents, continued to pretend to be champions for the underdog.
The Republicans, always shills for the rich and few, bluffed hard to pretend that whatever was good for the champagne set was good for the poor, while putting on an act worthy of The Ringling Brothers Circus. Apparently the mass bungee-less jumping by their morbid minded constituents did not phase the legislators as they kept on with their endless checkers match.
A decree from the Presidency finally changed all that. Obama stated that if the fiscal cliff problem were not taken care of by the 3rd day of January, the increase in taxpayers taxes would be taken out of the Senators’ and Legislators’ benefits and pay packages. The bill was then written, approved, voted, approved and put into action in a record 14 ½ minutes.
Pundits predict this stratagem could become a regular feature of Congress in the future.
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