[Disclaimer: This article is satire, or what we used to call "fake news" before actual fake news started poisoning the political discourse!]
In an experiment that went horribly awry, a piece of space junk fell out of the sky this week and was mistakenly identified as a meteor. It was confirmed that the object that streaked across a part of Russia, causing over 1,000 injuries, mostly from shattered glass, was in fact a vintage VW Bus traveling at approximately 40,000 mph. The fireballs falling from the object were anything from ball bearings to side mirrors as the vehicle hurtled toward earth.
Officials from NASA admitted that the VW Bus was part of an experiment known as “Catapult Orbit” wherein ordinary objects from earth were transported to the International Space Station and periodically launched into space to see if, and more importantly how long, they could remain in orbit around the earth.
“The VW bus got away from us somehow,” claims Capt. Jim Reed, commander in charge of the Catapult Orbit program.
“We began launching small objects in 2007, and have been increasing them in size right up to the time we launched the VW Bus,” said Reed. “We had such huge success with various kitchen appliances, that we were certain a large vehicle would not become a problem.”
Reed claims there is an Amana refrigerator, Kenmore washer and dryer stackable unit, and a 1960s curio cabinet orbiting earth at this very moment, among other things. He claims that there is a bowling ball in orbit that has occasionally been mistaken for a tiny speck on Jupiter’s surface when viewed through a high-powered telescope.
“Let us assure you,” he said. “None of the aforementioned items are at risk of falling to earth.”
Capt. Reed did say, however, that because of this latest embarrassment, not to mention actual injuries due to the VW Bus crashing through earth’s atmosphere, plans to catapult a double-wide Fleetwood trailer into orbit will be put on hold.
“If a VW Bus can do this much damage, image the trash a trailer might produce if it accidentally veered off orbit,” he said.
In a related statement, makers of VW vehicles claim the artificial meteor proves once and for all the concept of Fahrvergnügen, which, loosely translated means “bump on the noggin from far away.”
Latest posts by P. Beckert (see all)
- Trump Orders All Cabinet Members to Wear Shock Collars - February 27, 2017
- ‘Inauguration Roast’ to Replace Standard Swearing-In Ceremony - January 18, 2017
- Trump Resigns Over Mandatory Reading Assignments from DOD - January 2, 2017
Like the above content? Leave a comment below! Get notified of new content on HumorTimes.com: Subscribe via email!