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[Disclaimer: This article is a "fake news" piece. Proceed at your own risk!]

Area Man’s Social Life Not as Impressive as Facebook Page Suggests

Mar 072013
 
 By , March 7, 2013

Amazingly, this Facebook profile may not be completely truthful

To the untrained eye, Brit Crinkler’s profile page on the number one social networking site in the world—Facebook—comes across, not only impressive but, as some might say, bordering on the extravagant.

Facebook IconOne of the women editors of this publication, upon viewing the young man’s Facebook profile, likened it to drinking a Grey Goose martini straight out of Sean Connery’s mouth.

But the results are in, Mr. Crinkler—the veil has been removed—and it doesn’t look good.

According to his younger brother, Ty, there is an alarming disparity between Brit’s actual number of friends in real life and the number listed on his Facebook page.

For five years, the world has been under the impression that Brit Crinkler has upwards of 1,250 friends.  Ostensibly, this would qualify him for some sort of Guinness record, but upon further examination, a hundred of those are simply acquaintances, two hundred are friends of friends, and five to seven hundred are people that he has never even met!

All of this makes one wonder if everything else is not a sham—it might even make one question the very fabric of our social existence.  For instance, has he read all of those intellectually stimulating books listed as favorites?  And does he even know who Miles Davis and John Coltrane are?

Apparently, what has long been the Mount Rushmore of social web pages is really just paper mache and some glitter paint.

The world deserves better, Mr. Crinkler (whoever you are).

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Jeff Boldt is an English teacher living in China and the writer and editor of Iron E-News, a website dedicated to that ever-abiding alternate bizarro world -- at times all too closely mirroring our own.