[Disclaimer: This article is satire, or what we used to call "fake news" before actual fake news started poisoning the political discourse!]
Taylor Swift, diva of country pop, has some strange online company
New figures out indicate that blogs featuring pot, bikers and Taylor Swift get the most hits and the most forum posts of any other, including porn, according to the Worldwide Association of Gossip Syndicate or WAGS.
While potheads and pot took the top spot with close to 14 million forum posts in the past three months, bikers came in a close second with 12.5 million. Taylor Swift came in third in America with 9.2 million posts, but if you combined all the posts she got in America with those from Japan, she would have taken down the bikers and the potheads, easily beating them two to one.
“Potheads are a no-brainer,” claims Morris Tunder, chief strategist for the association. “They love listening to tunes on the internet and then sharing their love of listening to tunes while complaining that they aren’t allowed to smoke their weed openly…wait what was I just saying?”
Bikers were no surprise as well to WAGS, especially with Biker Week in Daytona upon us. The days of the hairy, caveman-like biker who wouldn’t be caught dead with a laptop, has given way to the weekend warrior biker, who, by day is anything from a futures trader to your kids’ dentist who likes to talk about riding his hog more than he actually does.
Biker Week is the one week out of the year to get out there and make some memories so he and the old lady can get back home, retire to their separate bedrooms and post away about how awesome bike life is. It is a growing trend that doesn’t seem to be slowing any.
As a side note, Hells Angels MC Club laptop covers are outselling Outlaws MC Club laptop covers two to one; however, the Hells Angels phone app hasn’t quite caught on as quickly as the club would have liked. Still, merchandise sales are robust this time of year especially due to the fact that most bikers can now afford all the paraphernalia necessary to look smart during Bike Week.
And Taylor Swift, well, we still don’t get it, but she must be doing something right, because she is holding her own against bikers and pot. Her fan forums alone get hundreds of thousands of posts talking about everything from sparkly nail polish to how many times Kanye West has dissed the diva of country pop.
Speaking of Kanye West, when asked his opinion as to why he thought Swift got so many hits per day compared to his measly 1 million hits or so, West simply replied, “Hell, I’m the reason she gets so many posts, Khaters!”
Meanwhile, Tunder concluded “If there were a way to get Taylor Swift to perform at Bike Week, and someone was able to snap a picture of her taking a couple hits off a bong during that time, there is no doubt that would be the one event that would have the potential of crashing the internet.”
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