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[Disclaimer: This article is a "fake news" piece. Proceed at your own risk!]

Area Control Freak Reports OCD Under Control

Mar 172013
 By , March 17, 2013

OCD no problem for man with a plan

Don’t worry everybody–world-wide acclaimed blogger and self-published publisher/self-editor/self-writer/self-artist, Mark Krotzchety (pronounced “Krotzchety”), wants you to know that he’s finally got his nagging compulsions under control.

OCD, hand washApparently, he’s organized everything into a master calendar.

“That’s right,” Mark said.  “No more spontaneous multiple hand-washings or spur-of-the-moment quadruple checking of appliances–if I’m gonna flip the light on and off ten times, it’s going in the planner.”

“Unbelievable.  Why didn’t I think of this before?  If I wanna plan out my day, I plan that in advance.  And if I want to plan out the pre-plan a bit?  You got it–right in the planner.  Oh, and any off-the-cuff planning parties?  Just penciled in informally (any day between Tuesday and Thursday).  I’m a whole person again!”

According to Mr. Krotzchety, this “issue” should actually be categorized as moot and all of the world’s concern (especially his mother’s), though touching, would be better directed elsewhere.

“Let’s look at the words that make up OCD: Obsessive.  Since when is that evil?  Maybe if I was obsessed with killing people.  But I’m not.  The only thing I’m guilty of killing is germs.  Compulsive.  Isn’t that just another way to say passionate?  You got me–I’m passionate about organization. Go ahead. Take me to jail. And then there’s Disorder.  Why do they call it a disorder when it produces so much order?  I mean, look at my closet. It should really be called OCO.”

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Jeff Boldt is an English teacher living in China and the writer and editor of Iron E-News, a website dedicated to that ever-abiding alternate bizarro world -- at times all too closely mirroring our own.

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