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What Your Internet Ads Mean

May 092013
 

Do those internet ads know you better than you know yourself?

These days, the Internet is spying on all of us. Whether you’re a paranoid conspiracy theorist who’s certain the FBI is tracking each and every one of your terribly interesting keystrokes, or simply a rational human being who’s noticed that Google always seems to be one step ahead of you, there’s no denying it: things are getting creepy. And, coincidentally, creepy tends to mean revealing, as well. For instance, the ads you see on the side of websites like Facebook now often reflect your own Internet searching and browsing history. So without further ado, here are a few words on what some of these internet ads might mean about who you are and what you do.

Internet AdsDating Ads

  • Best Case: You’ve just been innocently browsing a few dating sites as you consider putting yourself out there in a good, clean dating community. Who knows? One of these ads may lead you to the partner of your dreams!
  • Worst Case: You’ve become so active in online sex communities that Google thinks you’re looking for erotic chat every time you open your computer. You’re also trying to take advantage of sites and apps that arrange one-night-stands with people who are totally as attractive as their profiles make them look. You need some real life friends.

Exercise Ads

  • Best Case: You’re making a legitimate effort to improve your fitness and have simply been researching exercise techniques and programs to keep your workouts varied.
  • Worst Case: You’ve been struggling to lose weight for so long that you’ve turned to the Internet for advice so many times it knows automatically to present you with the newest and stupidest trends. You should probably stop eating cupcakes and hop on a treadmill.

Sex Shop Ads

  • Best Case: You have an active and healthy sex life, and you’re perfectly open about ordering an occasional accessory from Adam and Eve to try new things in bed.
  • Worst Case: It’s been so long since you’ve been laid, you’ve resorted to relying entirely on toys for self-stimulation. Maybe you should look at some of those dating ads after all.

Financial Ads

  • Best Case: You’ve just been checking your account regularly online, and the Internet has picked up on your involvement with a bank.
  • Worst Case: You’re in financial trouble and have desperately been researching money-saving tips and investment tactics, and now the Internet is complicating your process.

Jewellery Ads

  • Best Case: You’ve simply been browsing online for a lovely gift for that lovely special someone in your life.
  • Worst Case: You’ve been doing the exact same thing, but doing it so much that jewellery ads are taking over your computer and that special someone will notice, spoiling the surprise. Whoops.

Tech Ads

  • Best Case: You simply need a new phone and have been browsing comparisons between the latest smart phones.
  • Worst Case: You’re living your life through technology, constantly searching for the next device that you can purchase and search for new devices on.
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