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Taliban Version of the Ten Commandments

May 272013
 
 By , May 27, 2013

The Ten Commandments, Taliban style

It is not well known that the Islamic religion also uses the Bible as a prophetic religious work. That means that they believe in the Ten Commandments as received by Moses from Jehovah. Unfortunately, as can be expected, the Taliban branch of radical Islam reinterprets them to fit its idea of the ‘holy’ way they think things should be.

We record here for your edification the Taliban’s reworked version of the Ten Commandments:

Taliban Version of the Ten CommandmentsFIRST COMMANDMENT – Thou shalt not have any other gods before me. (Disclaimer – Even though this is coming out of the Jewish/Christian Bible, Allah still trumps Jehovah.)

SECOND – Thou shalt not unto yourselves a graven image. Especially if they are Christian, Buddhist, Hindu or any religion other than ours. Also anything having to do with yoga, spirituality, psychic-ism, or philosophy. And anything having to do with Western or Eastern influence, movies, non-Koranic books, CD’s, toys, sexual devices, smart phones, MP 3 players, sports, kite flying, dancing, singing, enjoying life…oh, what the heck, just don’t have anything to do with anything except armaments or the Koran.

THIRD – Thou shalt not take the Lord’s name in vain – SERIOUSLY! VERY SERIOUSLY! UNLESS YOU LIKE BEING BURIED UP TO YOUR WAIST IN SAND AND STONED!!!!

FOURTH – Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy. Unless there is somebody who must be bombed that particular day. Then it is OK. Bombing is holy too.

FIFTH – Honor thy father and mother – unless they are mothers and fathers of another sect in which case you may behead them.

SIXTH – Thou shalt kill infidels, Americans, Europeans, wayward women, aid workers, tourists, doctors, oil field workers and anyone else who does not knuckle under to our totalitarianism.

SEVENTH – Though shalt not commit adultery. Unless it is with another guy – then who the hell cares.

EIGHTH – Thou shalt not steal unless it is a Toyota pickup that we can use for drive-by shootings. Or arms that the infidels have stored up.

NINTH – Thou shall not bear false witness unless you are being tormented for information at Guantanamo.

TENTH – Thou shalt not covet after thy neighbors ass (There is a saying in Afghanistan – women are for having babies, men are for sex, so this one we will overlook), or his house (but you can blow it up), or his wife (but you can rape or shoot her if you like).

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Roger Freed has a fertile, if somewhat warped, imagination. Read him at your own risk! More laugh gaffes available at Semi-Humorous Humor. For something in a more serious mode get "The Book Of Songs" by Roger Freed from Lulu.com. A collection of short stories illustrating the subtle and powerful influence music can have on our minds and our spirits.