[Disclaimer: This article is satire, or what we used to call "fake news" before actual fake news started poisoning the political discourse!]
Supersized meal: Eyes were bigger than his back
Jason Dimples, a 27-year old iron worker from Youngstown, Ohio, has recently filed a complaint for injuries he received several months ago while dining with his family at a local fast food restaurant. In his complaint, Dimples alleges he was carrying a tray of supersized meals to the table where his wife and two young sons were seated when he felt a sharp, stabbing pain in the area of his abdomen.
“I almost passed out from the pain,” says Dimples as he met with reporters outside the courthouse where his suit was filed. “The doctors told me I suffered a hernia, most likely caused by lifting the heavy tray and carrying it across the dining room to our table.”
Dimples would not, however, go into many more details regarding the incident on advice from his attorneys. A review of his complaint alleges the following:
Dimples and his family have dined at this particular restaurant many times without incident; however, he believes this particular trip was different due to the fact that the food on the tray weighed considerably more than what the family usually ordered.
According to the complaint, the fast food restaurant is one of the most popular eating establishments in the Youngstown area, due to the fact that they offer a budget menu that helps families such as the Dimples dine out without breaking the bank. However, the competition among other fast food restaurants induced this restaurant to up the ante and offer supersized portions for a mere $.25 per item.
The “Giganti-Size Your Meal Deal™” meant that the Dimples family could stretch their food budget simply by spending less than $2.00 more on a complete meal for four. It was this option that landed Mr. Dimples in the emergency room with a painful hernia.
In response to the complaint, the fast food restaurant claims that it took Mr. Dimples three times to try and lift the tray before finally getting it balanced to where he could maneuver it to his table. Because of this, the restaurant alleges he should have reasonably known the dangers of carrying such a heavy load, therefore assuming a percentage of the risk for his injuries.
The fast food restaurant also claims that it was merely giving Mr. Dimples what he and others in this depressed area wanted, i.e. more bang for their buck. The restaurant seemed to imply that if anything, by having to offer more food for a smaller profit margin, they, not Mr. Dimples should be suing for damages.
Speaking of which, Mr. Dimples’ lawsuit listed as damages his medical bills, lost wages, and loss of consortium (his sex life was affected by the hernia). It goes without saying Mr. Dimples was also asking the Plaintiff to refund the cost of the supersized meal for four which was never consumed, totaling roughly $12.85.
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