[Disclaimer: This article is satire, or what we used to call "fake news" before actual fake news started poisoning the political discourse!]
Popularity grows for Tea Party candidate who hits all the right notes
Going simply by the name “Beelzebub,” a fresh face has arisen from the flaming pit of Hades and swept the small but influential Tea Party contingent of the GOP off its feet.
Striking a stark contrast from more moderate Republicans, the 16-foot-tall, hoof-toed demon has vowed not only to end gay marriage but to disembowel all homosexuals, drink the blood of their families and feast on their souls.
Beelzebub‘s additional promises to dismantle big government, cut federal spending and see the entire country drowned in a lake of fire and despair are also hitting all the right notes among Tea Party loyalists.
“Eternal damnation is a small price to pay to see ObamaCare defunded, the deficit finally lowered and Christian values restored,” said Sal Russo of the Tea Party Express.
Yet, despite the Dark Lord’s growing influence within the party, recent polls still show his favorability lagging 10 points behind Texas Senator Ted Cruz.
Latest posts by J Crock (see all)
Like the above content? Leave a comment below! Get notified of new content on HumorTimes.com: Subscribe via email!