[Disclaimer: This article is satire, or what we used to call "fake news" before actual fake news started poisoning the political discourse!]
No fake fur for Adam Lambert
Adam Lambert, runner-up on Season 8 of American Idol fame, was spotted throughout the streets of New York the past few days sporting a very warm and cozy looking coat with what appeared to be one or possibly more large dead raccoons attached at the neck.
Upon closer inspection (after having chased down Lambert for several blocks on a somewhat icy NY sidewalk) a cameraman confirmed that, indeed, it was raccoon, but could not determine how many or the location where the animal(s) were harvested for this particular coat.
The paparazzi screamed at Lambert to stop or he’d report him to PETA, and Lambert slowed down enough to answer this question lobbed at him, “Hey Adam, do you like the feel of dead animal around your neck?”
Lambert, quite possibly feeling like a deer caught in the cross-hairs, quickly answered back “Well, yeah, I guess,” and kept moving, thus avoiding having his lovely coat splattered with fake animal blood.
While knowing that Adam Lambert likes the feel of dead animals around his neck isn’t particularly newsworthy, he hasn’t done anything else lately that is. If he does surface again above the radar, we will hopefully get the news to you faster than a PETA activist can say, “How many animals had to die to keep you warm today?”
Latest posts by P. Beckert (see all)
- ‘Inauguration Roast’ to Replace Standard Swearing-In Ceremony - January 18, 2017
- Trump Resigns Over Mandatory Reading Assignments from DOD - January 2, 2017
- How the Trump Stole America: A Poem - December 29, 2016
Like this content? Leave a comment below! Get notified of new content on HumorTimes.com: Subscribe via email!