[Disclaimer: This article is satire, or what we used to call "fake news" before actual fake news started poisoning the political discourse!]
The once-popular “Duck Dynasty” is slowly sinking into oblivion
The once-popular A&E Reality Television show “Duck Dynasty” is slowly sinking into oblivion, as more and more people are coming out of their down-filled slumber and realizing the show does nothing more than glorify redneck values.
Hey, wait a minute. If that were the only thing to bring down a reality television series, Jerry Springer would have found himself standing in the unemployment line a long time ago. It must be something else, read on…
The latest big name (or semi-big name depending on your age) to ruffle feathers in the entertainment world by placing his support behind the controversial show is Liam Payne of the boy band One Direction.
Evidently, it’s not so cool these days to be one of the last kids on the block to admit to the guilty pleasure of watching a bunch of grown men prowling around out in the woods blowing everything to Kingdom come. Even God would have a problem with that.
But, of course, killing isn’t the controversy that got Duck Dynasty patriarch, Phil Robertson, in double Dutch in the first place. It was homophobia and racism. Putting your support behind those two highly explosive issues will trump killing a bunch of wild animals just for fun any day.
Phil Robertson blames the poor ratings the show is now getting on “a bunch of wussies out there in TV Land who won’t admit they actually love watching a poor white trash rags-to-riches story.”
“Where was our millions of viewers last month when I was being held feet to fire for stating what every one of them didn’t have the man parts to say themselves?” asked a bewildered and hurt Robertson, resting his head on the over-abundant chest of his life-long partner Daisy, er, Miss Kay Robertson.
Folks are wondering where the understanding Kay’s chest was when Phil was pumped up with his self-proclaimed love of God in telling tales about a south where no black man was ever mistreated, where everyone lived in peace and harmony singing the songs of the south in ‘dem ol’ cotton fields back home.’
Evidently, Mr. Robertson only brings out the double D’s when it is absolutely necessary. Too bad he may not have them for much longer, as this may be the last season for duck hunting on A&E.
As for Liam Payne, Robertson had this to say.
“I appreciate Mr. Payne coming out in defense of Duck Dynasty. I just hope to mighty God hisself that Mr. Payne doesn’t ‘come out’ in any other ways, as so many of his other boy band mates have done so in the past.”
Proving once and for all that you can take the redneck outta the woods but you can’t, well, you get the picture.
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