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[Disclaimer: This article is satire, or what we used to call "fake news" before actual fake news started poisoning the political discourse!]

North Korea Will Scrap Nukes on One Condition: “Give Us Flappy Bird”

Feb 132014
 By , February 13, 2014

Flappy Bird was “Supreme Commander’s favorite”

In the middle of yesterday’s high-level talks between the two Koreas — a country at war with itself since the early 50s — the North issued a shocking reversal of policy regarding its ever-mounting nuclear program.

North Korea Flappy BirdHere is a rough translation of the official statement:

“For the love of God, BRING BACK THE FLAPPING BIRDS!  We’ll disarm.  We’ll unify.  We’ll do whatever you want!  Just give us our sweet, precious, little birdie back!”

This reversal came on the heels of a decision by Vietnamese developer, Dong Nguyen, to pull the popular game from online app stores.

It’s safe to say the reaction he got over his highly pixelated two-dimensional game was…unexpected.

Pulling in upwards of 50,000 USD a day through ads and quickly rising to the number one spot in online stores, Flappy Bird took the virtual world by storm and, the day it was taken down, left a canyon-sized hole in the hearts of gamers all over the world.

Especially, it seems, in North Korea.

A diplomatic meeting last week went from unification strategy to scoring strategy — from how to navigate the uncertain terrain of Korea’s future to navigating the impossibly difficult green tubes of Flappy Bird.

“Did you know the Supreme Commander scored a million?” asked one of the North’s proud generals.  “Without even playing.”

Because of the addictive nature of the game and the secrecy surrounding its demise, some have even intimated that all of this was a CIA plot to infiltrate closed countries in ways other than what’s called “Dennis Rodman.”

Apparently, whatever it is, it’s working.

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Jeff Boldt is an English teacher living in China and the writer and editor of Iron E-News, a website dedicated to that ever-abiding alternate bizarro world -- at times all too closely mirroring our own.

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