Ripping the headlines today, so you don’t have to!
The news doesn’t need to be complicated and confusing; that’s what any new release from Microsoft is for. And, as in the case with anything from Microsoft, to keep the news from worrying our pretty little heads over, remember something new and equally indecipherable will come out soon.
Really all you need to do is follow one simple rule: barely pay attention and jump to conclusions. So, here are some headlines today and my first thoughts:
Hey, before anyone complains, thank God she used the word “black.”
They’re building a Noah’s Ark replica in Kentucky
Hey, if I want to go on a boat that smells like 1000’s of animals have been stuck on it, I’ll take a Carnival Cruise.
Lawmakers allow Putin to use military in Ukraine
Putin allows lawmakers to stay lawmakers.
Alec Baldwin said he’s leaving public life
Proving the man can’t even shut the hell up about shutting the hell up.
Substitute teacher, 72, arrested for furiously masturbating in HS hallway
If I’m 72 and still had to work as High School sub I’d do stuff furiously, too.
Kentucky seeks delay in recognizing same-sex marriage
You’d think they’d be okay with it, given the state’s mailing abbreviation is KY.
Biden to Democrats: don’t apologize in 2014
Given they’re Dems, they apologized for the apologizing.
Arizona Gov Jan Brewer vetoes the state’s Anti Gay legislation
Well, there goes Putin’s plans to retire to Arizona.
America’s ten most miserable States
Ironically, all have a problem with Gay people…
Comedian George Lopez arrested for public intoxication
Lopez has ex’s kidney, proving guys always treat their exes stuff like crap.
Ugandan Government asking citizens if they know any gay Ugandans
In the US, a similar question is posed at the Oscars as “who are you wearing?”
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