Making fun of the headlines today, so you don’t have to
The news doesn’t need to be complicated and confusing; that’s what any new release from Microsoft is for. And, as in the case with anything from Microsoft, to keep the news from worrying our pretty little heads over, remember something new and equally indecipherable will come out soon.
Really all you need to do is follow one simple rule: barely pay attention and jump to conclusions. So, here are some headlines today and my first thoughts:
Justin Bieber under investigation for theft
Apparently, Miley Cyrus wants her haircut back.
94% of people feel that marijuana should be legal for recreational use
The other 6% didn’t remember the question.
Man tries to crawl under America Ferrera’s dress at Cannes
Damn, that Wolfe Blitzer will go anywhere to find the missing Malaysian Airliner.
LeBron James might lead boycott of NBA next season if Donald Sterling still owns Clippers
The Lakers are so in, they stopped playing last February.
Clay Aiken declared winner of Democratic nomination for Congress in North Carolina
So, stop calling in. The phone lines have closed.
Town’s police official calls Obama N-word
Hey, Dummy, he’s Kenyan not Nigerian…
Oscar Pistorius’ Psychiatrist says Pistorius’ leg amputations gave him a mental disorder
Yeah, but it didn’t seem to affect his aim.
Jay Z physically attacked by Solange Knowles after Met Gala
Looks like Jay Z meet up with Cra Z.
No Lando? Billy Dee Williams missing from ‘Star Wars Episode VII’ cast photo
Who did the photo shoot? Donald Sterling?
Warning signs of Low Testosterone
Sorry, can’t help you here, I didn’t have the energy to read the article.
6 signs your marriage will last a lifetime
Number one reason: You’re not given long to live.
Researchers discover fossils of largest Dino believed to ever walk the earth
According to Tea Party, largest RINO remains Chris Christie.
Michael Jackson hologram performed at the Billboard Awards
Making parents of underage boy holograms everywhere really nervous.
Like this content? Leave a comment below! Get notified of new content on HumorTimes.com: Subscribe via email!