[Disclaimer: This article is satire, or what we used to call "fake news" before actual fake news started poisoning the political discourse!]
Amazing Race for the un-amazing
The CBS finale of Amazing Race All-Stars 2014 did not disappoint, and the world once again was able to live vicariously through beautiful, (mostly) young, well-toned human beings.
However, after going back and reviewing the millions and millions of video submissions from normal, everyday Americans, the producers of the hit show felt that they weren’t accurately reflecting their fan base and were only contributing to the expanding disconnect between reality and reality TV.
“Take this one for instance,” host and producer Phil Keoghan offered. “This guy’s in his mid to late thirties, probably majored in literature or something, can’t climb an actual staircase much less a corporate one, and so he has to try and win money on reality TV competitions. It’s sad, really. But hey, that was the whole idea behind Sad Sacks 2015 — it will be like turning your television into a mirror.”
According to the designers of the race, the challenges, detours, pit stops, and overall difficulty level will be adjusted according to the competitors’ ability. Furthermore, the trips themselves will be adjusted to meet their level of ethnocentrism (which will probably be high).
Local Sad Sack hopeful and longtime Amazing Race fan, Jay Elbee, was asked if he took offense to the new show’s title.
“Hey, I don’t care if they take a dump in a sack and make me carry it around the whole time, it wouldn’t matter after getting the money.”
To which Phil replied, “You know, I think that is one of the detours.”
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