[Disclaimer: This article is satire, or what we used to call "fake news" before actual fake news started poisoning the political discourse!]
Reports of strange sightings, rumors, persist years later
Mysterious was the disappearance of Gary Larson, the famed and beloved creator of the popular cartoon series The Far Side. One day a successful, widely popular genius behind one of the world’s top selling daily cartoons, the next day missing without a clue. Conspiracy theories abound as to what became of him, but perhaps no one will ever know the answer.
Witness accounts vary. His neighbor, Carla May Johnson, a portly woman with a typical housewifely hairdo and cats eye glasses claims that “buggy eyed aliens with tentacle arms came in a space ship and drug him away!” Photos with what appear to be tentacled aliens grabbing a hysterical man with nerdy glasses support this version of events.
His secretary, Pernacious Dwerby, a heavy set woman with a beehive style hairdo, whispered scandalously, “I know it for a fact that he was having an affair with a giant female preying mantis named Audrey and after a torrid evening she devoured him!”
Larsen’s good friend Doug Tweedlebum swore that “he was on a secret mission for the government spying on the British scientist Jane Goodall in Africa when she had her trained killer ape Frodo attack him.”
Another neighbor who wishes to remain anonymous stated that he saw a viscous looking gang of ducks, with cigarettes hanging out of their mouths and sporting gang tattoos and bling-bling, come up to his door, drag him out, stuff him in the back of a black Cadillac and drive off fast.
The only real evidence that exists is a security camera outside a bank showing a frumpy individual who resembles Mr. Larson walking up to a ATM machine, pressing a button and getting sucked into it. A man waiting to use it reportedly said, “Dang, these darn things always malfunction just when you need them the most!”
Police attempting to investigate Mr. Larson’s disappearance have been hampered by strange encounters with tusked elephants, UFO’s, boneless chickens, Moby Dick, assorted monsters and, most commonly, talking cows.
If anyone reading this report have any idea what happened to Mr. Larson, please report them to this publication. All will be read with great interest and perhaps some snickering.
Reported by Roger Freed, Humor Times
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