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[Disclaimer: This article is a "fake news" piece. Proceed at your own risk!]

Get Your Own Piece of Fame: Celebrity Remnants for Sale!

Aug 282014
 By , August 28, 2014

Celebrity remnants are all the rage now

A new entrepreneurial enterprise has arisen to overnight success: “Celebrity Remnants.” Now the ordinary person can have very personal discarded pieces of famous celebrities.

Celebrity Remnants, Scarlett Johansson

In 2008, Scarlett Johansson auctioned off her used tissue on “The Tonight Show.”

The price ranges vary, depending upon the celebrity and how personal the piece is. The highest prices are charged for pieces of discarded nasal tissue and cartilage from the nose jobs of the likes of Kim Kardashian and any A-list stars.

At the low end are jelly fish looking pieces of fat removed by liposuction, with an extra cost if cellulite are visible. A piece of Pamela Anderson’s discarded original implants will cost a pretty penny also. If the piece is less personal, such as one of Beyonce’s old hair extensions, the price is scaled down.

Celebs’ manicurists are making some side cash, selling snippets of nail and discarded ceramic nails to Celebrity Remnants, especially if they have identifying designs. Empty syringes from botox injections are at the lowest end of the scale, because there are so many of them.

The only challenge to the new industry is the black market, where in a back alley you can buy “remnants” from some attending nurses who have decided to cash in on the new market. But Celebrity Remnants warns that many of these are “knock-offs” — only theirs come with certificates of authenticity, and each is preserved in a plexiglass reliquary, where it can be viewed from all sides in its place of honor on the coffee table, shelf, or grand piano.

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Diane de Anda

Diane de Anda is a third generation Latina and retired UCLA professor. Tired of cranking out technical articles in a "publish or perish" atmosphere, she now spends most of her time writing adult fiction, children's books, parody, and satire. Her weapon of choice is the limerick, aimed with humor and a touch of malice at society's icons, celebrities, politicians, and other irritating folk.

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