[Disclaimer: This article is satire, or what we used to call "fake news" before actual fake news started poisoning the political discourse!]
Hillary is just trying to generate sympathy with a fake Chelsea Clinton baby, says the porky radio ranter.
PALM BEACH, FL — Chelsea Clinton has not given birth, as recently announced, nor was she even pregnant, according to Rush Limbaugh, ranting on his nationally syndicated radio talk show today.
In his opening monologue, the porky pundit claimed that the whole story is an elaborately contrived hoax designed to generate sympathy for Hillary’s 2016 presidential run. Pretending she’s a grandmother is, as he put it, “trying to give the old bag a human face, like she wasn’t responsible for the deaths of four brave Americans in Benghazi.”
Limbaugh noted that significantly no photograph of “the so-called female Charlotte Clinton baby” has yet been released, nor are its height, weight or other statistics available.
“Compare that with the other royal baby,” he said. “Harry and Kate. We practically got pictures of it coming out.”
“And what kind of name is that any way?” the obese oracle added. “Charlotte Clinton Mezvinsky? Is that some kind of Jewish? And is Clinton her middle name or part of the surname? Typical Clintonion evasion. It’s obviously just a made up name, like Barack Hussein Obama. They should call it Ben — as in Benghazi.”
The fascistic Floridian continued: “And talking of the Muslim terrorist in the White House, has any one seen the new off-spring’s birth certificate? I bet they’re just waiting a few days, and then they’ll show us one of them three million Muslim terrorist children that are still flooding into Texas even as we speak.”
The tubby talk-show host said that it was significant that “Mrs Mezvinsky,” as he repeatedly referred to Chelsea Clinton, plans to decorate her baby’s nursery with elephants.
“That just gives it away,” he said, noting that the GOP’s avatar is an elephant. “Obviously the plan is to raise the child to destroy the Republican Party. It will be abused until it hates elephants and wants to cut their heads off. And after the elephants it will be our turn.”
A caller pointed out that the Republican Party was already successfully destroying itself, and that in fact Chelsea Clinton actively works with groups seeking to stop the poaching of African elephants. She likes pachyderms.
The hefty host swept this aside as just another hefty hoax. “Where were Chelsea and her elephants when her mother murdered four brave Americans at Benghazi?” he demanded.
Latest posts by Michael Egan (see all)
- Swift’s ‘Modest Proposal,’ Now Commended to Congress as it Debates Health Care - June 18, 2017
- Sherlock Holmes Asks: Why Didn’t the FBI Watchdog Bark? - June 13, 2017
- Macron Offers ‘Vulcan Death Grip’ Seminars for World Leaders - June 7, 2017
Like the above content? Leave a comment below! Get notified of new content on HumorTimes.com: Subscribe via email!