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A Writer’s Day

Oct 182014
 
 By , October 18, 2014

How one writer avoids writer’s block: Avoid writing!

  1. Wake up, brew strong, black tea. Read newspaper.
  2. Sort through bills.
  3. Writer's BlockTake out trash. Say goodbye to wife, kids.
  4. Brew second cup of tea and go upstairs to write.
  5. Read through old, unpublished works. Curse stupid editors for not recognizing “genius.”
  6. Check credit card balances online.
  7. Gaze outside.
  8. Balance checkbook.
  9. Check emails.
  10. Open recent story. Recent update, a month ago. Oh, shit.
  11. Read through story. Shake head.
  12. Go downstairs to turn off lights.
  13. In bathroom, read The New Yorker.
  14. Brew third cup of tea.
  15. Nibble on muffin from Wegmans.
  16. Go outside to check on roses and azaleas.
  17. Pick a tomato or two.
  18. Pull weeds.
  19. Decide to mulch for an hour using organic compost.
  20. Shower.
  21. Refreshed, type some dialogue into story.
  22. Delete dialogue.
  23. Pretend to write fiction for ten minutes by writing about some dumb old girlfriend.
  24. Change name of girlfriend by changing a vowel.
  25. Make sandwich for lunch. Switch to decaf tea.
  26. Send out old work to magazines one’s never heard before.
  27. Read old, published stuff to make self feel better.
  28. For rest of afternoon, take a walk to Chinese market for inspiration. Examine exotic fruit. Buy oolong tea.
  29. At dinner when asked, “Did you get much writing done?” just lie and say, “It was a fine day.”
  30. At night, read a brilliant book from someone who didn’t give a crap about the roses.
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Walter Bowne is a writer of humor, creative nonfiction, essays, and literary fiction. He enjoys taking commas out and placing them back in again.
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