How one writer avoids writer’s block: Avoid writing!
- Wake up, brew strong, black tea. Read newspaper.
- Sort through bills.
- Take out trash. Say goodbye to wife, kids.
- Brew second cup of tea and go upstairs to write.
- Read through old, unpublished works. Curse stupid editors for not recognizing “genius.”
- Check credit card balances online.
- Gaze outside.
- Balance checkbook.
- Check emails.
- Open recent story. Recent update, a month ago. Oh, shit.
- Read through story. Shake head.
- Go downstairs to turn off lights.
- In bathroom, read The New Yorker.
- Brew third cup of tea.
- Nibble on muffin from Wegmans.
- Go outside to check on roses and azaleas.
- Pick a tomato or two.
- Pull weeds.
- Decide to mulch for an hour using organic compost.
- Refreshed, type some dialogue into story.
- Delete dialogue.
- Pretend to write fiction for ten minutes by writing about some dumb old girlfriend.
- Change name of girlfriend by changing a vowel.
- Make sandwich for lunch. Switch to decaf tea.
- Send out old work to magazines one’s never heard before.
- Read old, published stuff to make self feel better.
- For rest of afternoon, take a walk to Chinese market for inspiration. Examine exotic fruit. Buy oolong tea.
- At dinner when asked, “Did you get much writing done?” just lie and say, “It was a fine day.”
- At night, read a brilliant book from someone who didn’t give a crap about the roses.
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Walter Bowne is a writer of humor, creative nonfiction, essays, and literary fiction. He enjoys taking commas out and placing them back in again.
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