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Voter ID: One Man, One Vote

Oct 192014
 By , October 19, 2014

Voter IDs — because nobody said democracy was supposed to be convenient

Whiners. Bounders. Ingrates. Talking about the incessant griping and sniping currently buzzing over long overdue Republican reforms requiring citizens to produce a government issued voter ID before casting a vote. From the outcry you’d think the GOP was organizing competitive kitten clubbings. Again.

Oh for crum’s sakes, settle down people. It’s just an ID. You need one to fly or buy or ply or even take out a library book. What is wrong with insuring the integrity of the electoral process? This isn’t voter suppression, it’s voter protection.

Which is why in the great state of Texas, it’s easier to buy an automatic weapon than register to vote and a gun permit is considered proper voter ID but a University student ID, not so much. Because the 2nd Amendment trumps the 14th, 15th & 19th Amendments. Always has. Always will. Simple math.

And no, not even paid investigators could find more than thirty examples of voter fraud in the entire country over the last 15 years, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t happening. You can’t see gravity either, but all your fancy liberal scientists agree that’s going on all the time, right? Same thing here. Only different.

And what responsible citizen doesn’t have a driver’s license? Do you really think people who aren’t allowed to drive should be able to vote? Have you taken a bus lately? What’s next? You going to open up elections to homeless people? You know what they’re going to vote for: free whiskey.

These series of incremental electoral fine-tunings are intended to curtail chicanery, not democracy. That the individuals most impacted are the young and the poor and the elderly, who can reliably be counted on to vote Democratic is just a coincidence. Besides, most of them don’t pay taxes. In this country, the patriotic thing to do is encourage the givers, not the takers. Otherwise, you’re not supporting the troops.

And yes, steps are being taken to reduce abuses caused by early and weekend voting. Why? Because easy voting is Un-American, that’s why. In order to impart the gravity of the situation, casting a ballot should be a burdensome chore. Which is why in poor districts the polling places are few and far between. Most of them don’t have jobs; what else do they have to do? The more standing in line, the less muggings.

Or perhaps voting on a Tuesday is inconvenient for you. Well, nobody said Democracy was supposed to be convenient. You might want to think about moving to some place where only one name gets placed on the ballot-like North Korea. Doesn’t get much more convenient than that.

Face it, the problem isn’t not enough people voting: its too many people voting. Time to go back to literacy tests and poll taxes. Restricting the vote to white male Protestant landowners. They’re the ones who run the country. The ones with the most to lose. Oh sure, the constitution states that voting is a right, but it’s also a privilege. Barnacles don’t determine where the whale swims, do they?

Freedom isn’t free. And the rich have the resources to pay for elections. We could set it up so the more they spend, the more votes they get. Until eventually the guy with the most money ends up running things. That’s they way they did it in Europe and they turned out okay. What the hell, we’re at least halfway there.

Will Durst is an award-winning, nationally acclaimed political comic. Go to for more about the documentary film “3 Still Standing,” and a calendar guide to personal appearances such as his hit one-man show “BoomeRaging: From LSD to OMG” in Pleasanton and Ukiah.

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The New York Times says Emmy-nominated comedian and writer Will Durst “is quite possibly the best political satirist working in the country today.” The Humor Times says "Durst is the Sage of Satire, the Learned Lampooner, the King of Political Satire!" Check his website,, for upcoming stand-up performance dates. Will's books, including Elect to Laugh! A Hilarious, Common Sense Guide to American Politics are available at Amazon and better bookstores all over this great land of ours. From Ulysses Press.

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