[Disclaimer: This article is satire, or what we used to call "fake news" before actual fake news started poisoning the political discourse!]
Folks in Ireland are obsessed by the weather
A recent survey by Pointlessinfo.ie has revealed that almost two thirds of Irish people are obsessed by the weather, ahead of potatoes, work, social media and the all-important consumption of alcohol.
Pointlessinfo’s survey found that while 75 per cent of those living in Ireland regard alcohol as their number one priority in terms of happiness, ahead of friends, money and careers, the weather is the one thing that keeps people awake at night. Pointless conducted its survey to find out what was consuming Irish minds on a daily basis and to show how focusing on the ‘important’ things in life can make for a really fulfilling existence.
“Of course the weather is important, but too much focus on it can be unhealthy,” says Martin King, a psychologist and part time weatherman on Irish TV. According to King, “Set aside time to avoid discussing the weather; when you eat, eat at the table, close the curtains, don’t spend time obsessing over the all important question; will it rain or will it hold off? The introduction of a weather jar, kind of like a swear jar, is a good idea. When anybody mentions any weather related word, then drop a Euro in the jar, you’ll be able to afford a villa in Spain by the end of the year.”
As a nation the Irish are noted for a few unique characteristics, first being their ability to drink massive amounts of alcohol and still be able to operate heavy machinery. Secondly, unsurprisingly, comes the unique Irish charm – “Hey! Tell your nipples to stop staring at my eyes.” But now, interest in the weather has simply rocketed.
Mr. King concluded his self-promoting rant by stating, “Ireland has got 5% wetter in the last 30 years. The west of Ireland has got 8% wetter. Irish people love these statistics, this is what really gets us excited, this is the information we live for. This sort of talk really excites my wife, sometimes I whisper something dirty in her ear, like ‘warm air holds more water vapor than cold air.’ It drives her crazy.”
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