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Pope Francis Welcomes Stephen Colbert Back into the Catholic Church

Dec 212014
 
 By , December 21, 2014

‘Stephen Colbert is on a fast track to sainthood,’ said Pope Francis

Vatican City — Pope Francis announced today that he would personally receive lapsed Roman Catholic Stephen Colbert back into the Church this Christmas. A special ceremony will be held during midnight mass in St Peter’s Cathedral on Christmas Eve.

Stephen Colbert AscendingWe look forward to receiving our Son back into the faith of His Father who art in heaven, peace be upon him,” the Pope’s statement said.

“And we hope that many of the millions who now worship Him, especially in the United States, will also follow His Holy Restoration.”

A Vatican spokesman later explained that the capitalized personal pronouns in the Pope’s statement referred “to S.C. and not J.C.,” adding however that “there’s frankly not a lot of difference between them at the moment.”

Followers believe that Saint Stephen, as many already refer to him, died on The Colbert Report this week only to be reborn in the Spring as part of “His Second Coming” on the Tonight Show.

A mass sing-along of “We’ll Meet Again” will be held in St Patrick’s Cathedral, New York, at midnight on Christmas Eve, during the Vatican’s induction ceremony. Elvis is not expected to attend.

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Michael was born in South Africa at the height of the apartheid era He quickly became involved in the underground resistance movement, knew Nelson Mandela and other prominent revolutionaries, some of whom later moved into privileged positions formerly occupied by whites. After several exciting escapes, he was forced to flee the country in disguise. He successfully made his way to the UK and gained his PhD at Cambridge on a university scholarship, He then pursued the dual career of college professor and social revolutionary, provoking academic and political mayhem wherever he went. Having thus failed miserably at both politics and education, he now cynically rails like Diogenes at the foibles of mankind in bitter satires and faintly subtly edgy political cartoons. History will, however absolve him. In 2006 he discovered a new Shakespeare play, but it's going to take a new generation to acknowledge it.

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