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A CNN Comment Box Love Story

Jan 132015
 
 By , January 13, 2015

Love story blossoms in the CNN comment section

Love Story playgroundYoMomma_101 28 minutes ago

Wow, a 12 year old boy from Florida is charged with murder on the playground? Before we totally pounce on this kid for murder and back him against the wall for the firing squad, has anyone considered that he may have been just standing his ground to defend the teeter-totter? I mean, like, this 9 year old may have been threatening the 12 year old with a squirt from a juice box, and the boy was probably weaned on a gun from the time his lips could pucker. Know what I mean?

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SimplyPrince-less 26 minutes ago

Oh, so now it’s another hit on the gun rights of Americans. You liberotards make me sick!!! You make all gun rights activists seem like we’re missing penises of something. Like we sucked on gun barrels rather than a binky! Or use gun barrels as dildos! Listen, YoMomma_101 I don’t have a penis, thank God, being a 100% woman, but let’s not make this tragedy a soapbox to bash gun owners. I’m sure the 12 year old had a permit. Haven’t you heard of the 2nd Amendment, or do you live in New Jersey?

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YoMomma_101 24 minutes ago

How did you know I lived in New Jersey. Librotards! Original! Nice portmanteau! I didn’t think you were educated in FLYOVER COUNTRY And yes, contrary to you cretins in the midwest, we are allowed to have guns in the state. We just can’t buy them at 7-Eleven with our Big Gulp and chewing tobacco. How did a 12 year old get a gun? It’s ridiculous that in this country we just can’t avoid guns. But I do like you attitude. You sound kinda sweet, even with your wrong attitude.

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SimplyPrince-less 23 minutes ago

Well, thanks, I think. But why do you dish on guns so much. It is wasn’t for guns, you’d still be kissing George III’s ass or worshipping that stupid queen in England. Don’t you know if we surrendered our guns, we could just become a dictatorship? Have you any understanding of history and revolution? So, do you like it in New Jersey?

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YoMomma_101 22 minutes ago

Well, sure, it’s close to just about everything that’s AWESOME like NYC and Philly and the shore and the Poconos and Boston’s not far or DC. Christy is an a$$. The girls are okay.

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SimplyPrince-less 21 minutes ago

What do you mean by okay? I wouldn’t want some hot guy saying I was just okay.

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YoMomma_101 20 minutes ago

Well, I hate to stereotype, but the girls I know just want to shop at the mall, buy ridiculously expensive shoes at Nordstrom’s and then and jump right into bed, you know. This hook-up culture makes me sick. I’m a traditional type of guy. Conservative, even. Does that make me weird? And did you mean to say that I was hot? I can’t get tone on the comment box. Were you being sarcastic?

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SimplyPrince-less 18 minutes ago

No. Well, I’m not sure if you’re totally hot, but I like guys that read news. Guys I meet just like to go to bars, guzzle booze from PVC piping, shoot pool, drop a hit of acid by the dumpsters, and shoot defenseless animals with night vision goggles. I’m all for gun rights, but I draw the line at critter killing.

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YoMomma_101 16 minutes ago

Are you a vegetarian? It would be so totally cool if you were! I mean, your “it” factor would increase by like 10 if you were. Please please please tell me you don’t eat meat!

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SimplyPrince-less 15 minutes ago

Oh, I don’t eat red meat, but only turkey and chicken. And fish. Can I rank a 5?

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YoMomma_101 14 minutes ago

I don’t a $hit. I’ll still give you a 10. I like your honesty. I do. So, can you tell me what you like to do?

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SimplyPrince-less 13 minutes ago

Oh, I write poetry and play blues guitar for my cats and I work for a guy I hate. He hits on me all the time, but I need the money, you know. I’m all alone out here, except for my cats and my momma and my bazooka.

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YoMomma_101 12 minutes ago

OMG! Like you should totally play for our band. We have a band and we need a guitarist. I’m looking for a new direction for the band and a female singer would be AWESOME. Are you into Metric? We gig at some real dives and you could protect us, you know. Where do you live?

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SimplyPrince-less 10 minutes ago

Council Bluffs, Iowa.

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YoMomma_101 10 minutes ago

$hit! $hit! Are you kidding? You need to come East! We could meet. I could take you to this great cafe.

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SimplyPrince-less 9 minutes ago

What? Just hop on a plane and come East? Just like that? Are you crazy? You could be a worse than a troll! You could be a psycho killer! or an Obama operative from the NSA.

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YoMomma_101 8 minutes ago

Sweetheart, you don’t need to hit me with that low blow. Do I sound like an NSA operative? Can you send me some of your lyrics? I’m getting excited just thinking of all the new possibilities! Perhaps things are changing after all for us! Please tell me you’re good-looking. Not that I want to be superficial! I’m about an 8.6.

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SimplyPrince-less 7 minutes ago

Perfect. I’m an 8.7 on the hottie-scale. A 9.5 if I could out the Little Debbie. Wasn’t it Yeats that says love first comes in at the eye?

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YoMomma_101 6 minutes ago

Liar Liar! It first comes through in the Comment Box on The Daily Beast! And you do love poetry!!!!

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SimplyPrince-less 5 minutes ago

LOL! That’s sweet. Here are some lyrics. I wrote this. It’s called Without You. I’ve been thinking about you day by day. I know I’m never gonna get over it. Cause you’re everything to me, baby. And you can’t let me down, cause I’ve been missing you all my life, so stay baby, stay baby, stay baby.

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BigDude112 5 minutes ago

That’s the worse peace of $hit I eva read

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YoMomma_101 4 minutes ago

Stay out of this BigDude. Go troll somewhere else! And learn to spell, cretin!

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BigDude112 4 minutes ago

Get a room! You kids know what to do when alone? Or do you need instructions?

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YoMomma_101 4 minutes ago

Go back to watching porn, you scum.

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SimplyPrince-less 3 minutes ago

Thanks for defending me. There are so many jerks on these sites

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YoMomma_101 4 minutes ago

No prob. You need to come East ASAP!!!!! We can talk gun control and music and all that good stuff!!! I like a gal who sticks to her guns!

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SimplyPrince-less 3 minutes ago

How will you find me? This is just so crazy!!!!!!!

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YoMomma_101 3 minutes ago

Listen. Fly into Philly on Saturday. I’ll just be a guy in a blue in Arrivals in an L.L. Bean jacket holding a sign with red letters that says WITHOUT YOU.

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SimplyPrince-less 2 minutes ago

Ok! Okay! I’ll do it! I’ll come out. I guess my cats will be okay for a while. Is this crazy or what! Oh, please please please don’t be a crazy guy on the Internet! I’ve met far too many already.

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YoMomma_101 1 minutes ago

I’m as wholesome and good as American Pie, baby.

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SimplyPrince-less 1 minutes ago

This really could be it? Couldn’t it? And to think we can tell our children that we met by arguing about gun control. Who says the two sides can’t see eye to eye anymore? It’s a dawn of a new age in America!

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BigDude112 0 minutes ago

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Walter Bowne is a writer of humor, creative nonfiction, essays, and literary fiction. He enjoys taking commas out and placing them back in again.
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