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Google Report: 80% of Porn Searches are by Muslims

Jan 182015
 
 By , January 18, 2015

Iranian sexologist claims entire culture obsessed with sex porn searches and death

TEHERAN — Iranian sexologist Sheik Ratel-n-Rol, the “Renegade Imam of Islam,” is on the run again tonight after publishing Google’s 2014 statistical analysis of internet porn use on his popular “Under the Hijab” sex-discussion blog.

According to the report, as in previous years, more than Muslim porn searches80 percent of porn searches originate from Muslim countries, especially Iran and Turkey. The largest group of fantasies involve children, parents, and animals.

“These important and revealing statistics,” said the Sheikh, who has often miffed the mullahs with his liberal views, “show that Muslim countries are totally obsessed with sex, death, incest and bestiality. It’s clearly a pathology. The most obvious symptoms are the waves of murder and sexual brutality currently sweeping the Islamic world.”

According to the head of Teheran’s Morality Police, the Sheik’s insights, which have been compared to Freud’s, are “so obviously and terrifyingly true” that he had no choice but to order his arrest and the site’s immediate suppression.

“Did you know that most of the pornography requests from Muslims are for ‘Mommy’ and ‘Daddy’?” the officer asked, apparently still shocked. “What is this Oedipus Complex thing, anyway?”

At his request, a supporting Five-Star Fatwa — the most punitive there is — was unanimously issued by members of Iran’s Supreme Mullahs Council. “Sex is dirty, disgusting and anti-Islamic,” a large gray beard explained.

Known widely as “the Islamic Freud,” Sheik Rat-el-n-Rol has recently attracted Koranic condemnation for advocating freer and more open discussions about sex among Muslims.

Speaking from an undisclosed location last night, he said that the violent fundamentalism now distorting “the religion of peace” is obviously fueled by sexual ignorance, induced guilt, and the horrific repression of women.

“Merely speaking to a strange man,” he said, “can get a female murdered and even stoned to death. The ridiculous assumption is that she must have immediately offered herself to him and he most probably accepted on the spot. Wham, bam and thank you, as you Americans say.”

The Sheikh pointed out that young ISIS and Al-Qaeda militants are kept in a state of constant sexual tension by the Mullahs. On the one hairy palm, even lustful thoughts are strictly forbidden, but on the other, shaped like a fist, some women, especially wives, slaves and infidels, may be abused without compunction.

“The present death cult,” said the Sheikh, “is palpably fueled by sexual frustration. Look at the rapes and abductions accompanying every massacre.”

He added sadly: “Seventy-two virgins. What a pathetic, adolescent idea of Paradise.”

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Michael was born in South Africa at the height of the apartheid era He quickly became involved in the underground resistance movement, knew Nelson Mandela and other prominent revolutionaries, some of whom later moved into privileged positions formerly occupied by whites. After several exciting escapes, he was forced to flee the country in disguise. He successfully made his way to the UK and gained his PhD at Cambridge on a university scholarship, He then pursued the dual career of college professor and social revolutionary, provoking academic and political mayhem wherever he went. Having thus failed miserably at both politics and education, he now cynically rails like Diogenes at the foibles of mankind in bitter satires and faintly subtly edgy political cartoons. History will, however absolve him. In 2006 he discovered a new Shakespeare play, but it's going to take a new generation to acknowledge it.

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