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Netan-YAHOO’s Talk Before the American Congress

Mar 042015
 By , March 4, 2015

Israel Prime Minister bloviates before Congress

The Prime Minister of Israel, Netan-YAHOO, has given his talk today at the American Congress. His coming to America has been a bone of contention between the Republicans and Democrats (what else is new?), as Netan-YAHOO was not invited by President Obama but rather by Speaker of the House John Boehner — a breach of normal U.S. international protocol unless of course you want to piss off the President and make him look bad.

Netanyahu to CongressNetan-YAH00 is wetting his pants about the U.S. making peace with the Iranians over their nuclear development. His take is that if we finally bury the hatchet with the Persians in anything other than the Iranian President’s head that it will lead to them using the first excuse to H-bomb Israel into Zionist heaven.

Despite protests from President Obama and his supporters, Netan-YAHOO delivered this speech today:

“Greetings Americans! I am so glad to be visiting your country. Everything here so much cheaper than Tel Aviv! Also am glad to be giving speech here before you. You much easier to pull wool over eyes than old fuddy-duds I have to deal with in Israeli Congress. Also much better looking. Nothing uglier than old Israeli politicians. Remember Begin?”

“So, I want to tell you, my friends, peace deal with Iran — no good idea. You should think only of us, Israel, your only friend in Middle-East. OK, you got Saudi Arabia, but they only got oil, not true hearted friendship like we give you. Plus they boys blow up your Twin Towers. Remember 911? … I thought so.”

“You should think only of us, your real buddies. Just because we are only small country 1/1000 smaller than U.S. does not mean you shouldn’t watch out for us. Just because we make endless trouble with Palestine and world affairs does not mean you should think only of your own agenda. Remember, we’re the ones who wrote the Bible – THE word of Jehovah…er…God, as you call Him. Now you don’t want God mad at you, do you?”

“What did those rag-head beggars write? Some book that appeared 500 years AFTER New Testament that you so cherish was long finished and filed away in caves. Something that shifts the whole Supreme Deity thing away from Jerusalem and further east where there is only sand and fleas. Yes, and oil; I know, I know. (he speaks under his breath — Yahweh that we could find oil on our land then I wouldn’t have to make this humiliating trip!)”

“Remember from which land your whole Christian thing sprang — ours! Do you owe your allegiance to them with all their oil or to us that gave birth to your God…er…that introduced your God to you? It is to us that you owe your loyalty. Am I making you feel guilty yet?”

“Whatever came out of Iran that was ever any good? Terrorists and rebellion, death threats and flag burnings, our alphabet and numeric system, the basics of science that we use today, a highly developed culture that has survived for thousands of years, flatbread and oil. So what? OK, so you screwed with them by setting up the Shah as their ruler who tortured and killed his own people. Again, so what? Can’t they get over it?”

“So in parting, let me give you this to remember — deal with Israel is real, deal with Iran and you will have ran. Remember that!”

“Now, I wish you a very Merry Christmas or whatever holiday that is that you are celebrating soon and remember, if you support Iran God will set up a special place for you in Hell. Than you very much for inviting me and have a good year!”

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Roger Freed has a fertile, if somewhat warped, imagination. Read him at your own risk! More laugh gaffes available at Semi-Humorous Humor. For something in a more serious mode get "The Book Of Songs" by Roger Freed from A collection of short stories illustrating the subtle and powerful influence music can have on our minds and our spirits.

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