[Disclaimer: This article is satire, or what we used to call "fake news" before actual fake news started poisoning the political discourse!]
‘Some people don’t like to wear things on their wrists’ – Apple CEO Tim Cook
CUPERTINO, CA — Following the recent announcement of its new “Dick Tracy”-style wrist watch, Apple today released details of a new companion timepiece called the iPocket, designed to be carried rather than worn.
“Research shows that some individuals don’t like to wear things on their wrists,” said Apple spokesperson Granny Smith, quoting CEO Tim Cook. “So we are releasing a slightly larger companion version of the Apple Watch without a strap. We’re calling it the iPocket because users will be able to carry it conveniently in a pocket or purse.”
Granny Smith noted that the iPocket resembles the new iWatch in every way except for its wrist band and slightly larger size. Housed in an elegant rectangular frame made of aluminum or — for the one-percent market, 18 carat gold studded with precious stones — the iPocket will also feature a small digital keyboard for texting, typing in phone numbers, and other data-entry functions.
A variety of gold and aluminum pocket-watch chains, resembling their Victorian-era predecessors, will also be available. To access the watch, owners pull on the chain until it appears. After use it is returned to the pocket.
Asked how the iPocket and iWatch were functionally different from the familiar iPhone that almost every one uses, Ms Smith replied that they were “of course” completely dissimilar.
“The iPhone is a phone that also tells the time,” she explained. “Whereas the iWatch is a watch that also makes phone calls. Functionally, they’re as different as Tim Cook and Steve Jobs.”
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