[Disclaimer: This article is satire, or what we used to call "fake news" before actual fake news started poisoning the political discourse!]
‘Such neophytes, they don’t even have a corporate sponsor’ charges group
The Tea Party held a demonstration against improper demonstrations today in Charlotte, North Carolina. Joan Schmidt, president of the local chapter, said, “We’re outraged that kids think they can camp out, chant slogans, create a democratic village, and think they’re making a difference. We can teach ’em a thing or two, and number one is, if you want to get your message out, get a corporate sponsor!”
“We’ve got the Koch brothers, I’m sure they could get Apple or Google or what’s that one, Tweedy Bird or something,” she added.
Schmidt said the Wall Street protesters were “Giving protest a bad name, getting all dirty sleeping on the ground like that, parading around with cheap cardboard signs with correctly-spelled, intelligent messages on them.”
Protesters at this Tea Party gathering had brightly colored pre-printed plastic weather-proof signs reading things like “Capitalizm: Good / Socializm: Bad / Get It?” and “If You Want to Be Herd, Do What Fox Says, Thay Will Broadcast You 24/7” and “Didn’t Your Muther Ever Teach You to Kiss Ass?” and “Go With the Flow / Sleap Warm in Your Bed (Unless You Got Foreclosed On).”
One protester wasn’t so sure. “I dunno, I was pissed at first that they were trying to copy us, but then I saw they were protesting the Wall Street firms and banks that screwed up our economy and got bailed out, and yet they haven’t done nothing to return the favor and help out the small guy,” said George Fontroy who had traveled from Decatur, Georgia. “I just think, hey, maybe instead of freaking out about some ‘socialist’ bogeyman, they got something real to be concerned about.”
“No way,” said Schmidt, when told of Fontroy’s comments. “They’re obviously just whiners, screaming about pepper spray condiments and stuff. Hell, if they don’t like spicy food, I say, don’t put your face in it!”
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