[Disclaimer: This article is satire, or what we used to call "fake news" before actual fake news started poisoning the political discourse!]
Duggar’s actions not unforgivable, says God’s choice for prez
Former Chippendales dancer, Mike Huckabee, a 2016 Republican presidential candidate, has angered America by publicly declaring his support for Josh Duggar. Shortly after the ex-reality television star admitted to molesting underage girls, including some of his sisters, bizarrely, the ex-Arkansas Governor took to Facebook to defend Duggar, a man who worked with Senator Tom Cotton on his “Faith, Family and Fools Tour” in Arkansas last year.
“Yes, Josh’s actions when he was an underage teen are ‘inexcusable,’ but they are not ‘unforgivable,’ it’s not like anybody died. He and his family dealt with it, they are good, honest Christians, and like any good, honest Christian, God fearing family… they just want to sweep any controversies under the carpet and pretend they never happened.
“No meaningful purpose whatsoever is served by those who are now trying to discredit Josh Duggar or his family by sensationalizing the story. People using heart-breaking stories for their own benefit disgust me. I’m running for president, by the way, and I am counting on all your votes.”
The author of God, Guns, Shits and Giggles wasn’t finished, not by a long shot. “Good people make mistakes, De Niro appeared in The Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle and Tom Brady deflated our balls. Good people do regrettable, even disgusting things. Ireland just legalized gay marriage, for crying out loud. The Irish are a pretty decent bunch, but they are after doing something utterly appalling. Should we chastise them for their beliefs? Well, actually, maybe we should… but I digress.”
Huckabee, who foolishly refers to rural America as “Hicksville” in his best selling book, went on to write: “Josh Duggar was a minor when the devil possessed him, his judgement was manipulated by evil spirits. Youth brings out the badness within, I even smoked a cigarette when I was 19, an act I still regret to this day. No one should defend Josh’s actions as a teenager, no one but me.”
Finishing the distasteful post with religious jargon, Mike concluded: “The Duggar’s are not a perfect a family, but following Christ is not a declaration of our perfection, but of HIS perfection. His hair, his jawline, those piercing eyes, the man was stunning. We are all sinners, we need His grace and His forgiveness. More importantly, people, I need you to vote for me, a decent man, my friends don’t call me Mike Humblebee for no reason.”
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