[Disclaimer: This article is satire, or what we used to call "fake news" before actual fake news started poisoning the political discourse!]
Seeking to attract a mostly-overlooked constituency by the GOP, women, Sen. Graham goes for the gold.
South Carolina senator, Republican presidential hopeful and future gay rights activist Lindsey Graham broke from his conservative party today with the unusual move of replacing the “truck balls” on his SUV with “truck ovaries” to show support for women’s rights.
Truck balls, or “truck nuts,” as you are most likely aware, are a common sight in backward redneck areas of the country in which Sen. Graham resides. They are used to signify maleness by those who apparently aren’t secure in their own sexual identity. Many of these men are eventually discovered tea-bagging their Toyotas in the remote areas of their home towns.
The sale of truck ovaries is a recent phenomenon in the deeper parts of the south where the sale is limited to mostly secretive gay bars and lesbian establishments.
Senator Graham ceremonially cut the simulated male organs from the required tow hitch during a quickly scheduled press conference and firmly attached the ovaries in their place declaring, “Now is the time to show support for females in our society. We can no longer drive around and ignore the suffering that they have constantly been under during our war on their bodies.”
Asked why he chose ovaries instead of a more distinct object such as the vagina, Senator Graham stated, “My own personal experience has shown that you don’t need to have a vagina on your rear end in order to have fun.”
He also asked that the many folks who question his commitment, respect, and lack of attraction to women to please remember this episode when he desperately needs their vote in future elections.
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