[Disclaimer: This article is satire, or what we used to call "fake news" before actual fake news started poisoning the political discourse!]
‘Kim Jong-un scares the crap outta me,’ which makes him qualified, says Trump.
Speaking on Meet the Press this morning, The Donald was again in rare form, using his particular brand of “shock politics” to keep his lead in the race for the GOP nomination for President.
When pressed on who he would choose as his running mate, he confirmed that he wouldn’t rule out former pro wrestler and Minnesota Governor Jesse Ventura, nor television mogul Oprah Winfrey, if either of them took him up on his deal. But the real surprise came next.
“Hell, ideally, I’d love to ask North Korea leader Kim Jong-un to run alongside me, but there are rules in place, and I guess, rightfully so, that say anyone running for the two top spots in the country have to be from this country.
“Fair enough,” said Trump, “but ideally, yeah, I think Kim Jong-un has the kahoonies to be a great Vice President. He sure as hell wouldn’t take any lip from anyone, except me of course, because I’d be his boss, but if you ask me straight up, that little guy scares the crap outta me, and that’s the kind of guy we need in the second highest office in the country.”
Asked, then, if he scared the crap out of himself, Trump looked a bit bewildered and said “Well, no, Chuck, I don’t scare the crap out of myself, but I’m pretty sure I’m scaring the crap out of all the guys, oh, and one gal, excuse me, who are running against me in this election.”
Trump then went on to talk about race in this country.
“Let’s talk about getting this country back, okay? Like for instance, just say, for the sake of argument, I was born in Hell’s Kitchen, which I might have been, but for the sake of argument, I was born in Hell’s Kitchen. I think that’s enough to get the black vote don’t you think?”
To which Chuck Todd replied, “Well, I’m pretty sure you weren’t born in Hell’s Kitchen, Mr. Trump.”
Trump then replied, “but if I was born in Kenya…” and trailed off.
Latest posts by P. Beckert (see all)
- ‘Inauguration Roast’ to Replace Standard Swearing-In Ceremony - January 18, 2017
- Trump Resigns Over Mandatory Reading Assignments from DOD - January 2, 2017
- How the Trump Stole America: A Poem - December 29, 2016
Like this content? Leave a comment below! Get notified of new content on HumorTimes.com: Subscribe via email!