[Disclaimer: This article is satire, or what we used to call "fake news" before actual fake news started poisoning the political discourse!]
NRA apparently simply ‘following the money’
The National Rifle Association (NRA), smelling a chance to increase its profits and its membership, has decided to follow the money and change their name to the “Jihadist Rifle Association.”
The NRA (now JRA), long a secret backer of any American tragedy that results in opulent amounts of carnage and bloodshed which stimulates greater gun sales, has apparently finally realized that the real profits are in supplying guns to the Muslim extremists who seem to be gaining in popularity and influence not only in the Middle-east but throughout the world.
Scores of U.S., European, African and Asiatic individuals are running to Syria to join ISIS which has become the Mecca for those seeking a little excitement and purpose in life and to piss off their parents. Now after the Paris and San Bernardino attacks the ISIS brand seems to be the biggest gun market in the world.
The sudden change in attack strategy from using primarily bombs to using assault rifles by ISIS has fired the imagination of the leading NRA officials. With the downward turn of the economy in the U.S. the major gun owner representative has decided to go offshore just like so many other ‘patriotic All American’’ organizations have in the past couple decades and find its riches elsewhere.
Wakipedia, the famous expose website (yes, that is spelled correctly), has brought to light taped conversations between NRA Fuhrer LaPierre and none other than Russian Czar Vladimir Putin about expanding Soviet (yes, we might as well start calling them Soviets again. They certainly act like the Cold War is back in full bloom again.) sales of Kalashnikov rifles to anybody who wants them. Especially Middle-easterners; you know damn well they are going to use them. The Middle Easterners want an endless conveyor belt of guns and the Russians desperately need something to prop up their sanction laden and oil dependent currency.
Many higher up officials in the NRA feared that changing their name would bring them trouble with their loyal fans in the U.S. But with the ailing economy and their redneck base not able to afford the big bone-blasters the organization peddles, the gun cult group has decided to throw their weight with those who seem to be winning. By changing their name to the Jihadist National Association they hope to instantly win the attention and the support of those extremists who seem to be buying the goods they specialize in pushing.
As its first promotional campaign the JNA has begun wooing the Palestinians who until now have only had stones to defend themselves with. The JNA hopes to update them to more sophisticated ways of vengeance and violence and have even secretly undertaken digging new tunnels from Egypt under the border to make sure the Gazans get the guns they need.
On the Syrian front not only does the JRA supply ISIS, but they also run arms to President Assad’s forces as well. Nothing like a little double dealing to double the income!
Latest posts by Roger Freed (see all)
- A Fly on the Wall at an Early Trump Cabinet Meeting - May 31, 2017
- 2020, The Year of the Woman President: Recent History Revisited - May 14, 2017
- Presenting the Poetry of Sarah Palin - April 23, 2017
Like the above content? Leave a comment below! Get notified of new content on HumorTimes.com: Subscribe via email!