[Disclaimer: This article is satire, or what we used to call "fake news" before actual fake news started poisoning the political discourse!]
Campaign staff downplays omission, saying it’s “Not his strong suit anyway”
Rick Perry showed up at the last debate ready to prove his presidential mettle. He’d studied all night, staffers say, and felt prepared.
“I got to the debate, you know, and I had everything — notes, newly pressed suit, but I knew there was something else — just couldn’t quite put my finger on it,” said Perry after the debate, where a staffer had just handed him his head after retrieving it from the hotel. “But, hey, two out of three ain’t bad.”
“It’s no big deal,” said Rob Johnson, Perry’s campaign manager, “it was just a human moment. Memory is overrated — it’s not that important a thing as far as the skill set needed to be president. Looking good is number one, and our boy has that in spades!”
“Heck, we’ve all been there,” Johnson went on, “forgetting the name of a friend’s kid, how to spell a foreign leader’s name, or a main plank of your platform on national TV in a run for the highest office in the land — what’s the difference?”
“An agency here, an agency there, who cares?” said Perry, “What’s important is we get rid of a few of ’em, I’ll sort it out when I get there.” The candidate was referring to a major gaffe he made in the debate, all due to the unfortunate lack of a brain.
“Just don’t axe the presidency itself, until I’ve had my turn,” he added, flashing that broad smile his supporters have grown to love. “I’m sure I’ll have no problem destroying it all by myself.”
Actually, his most fervent supporters say they liked his “oops” moment. Polls show their support for him has grown since the debate.
“It’s like when your kid flubs his part in a school play, you just want to go up and hug him and make him feel better,” said Ira Fernham, self-professed “Perry maniac.” “You just know he’ll do better once in office. I’d love to buy him a beer and cheer him up. He’s even more lovable than George W in that way!”
Asked if the high-profile mistake will deter his presidential ambitions, Perry said, “Heck, no, man! I’ve got a lot of fight left in me. I’m from Texas you know. Three things we Texans believe in — God, country, and … oh, what’s that last one? Clearing brush? No, uh, EPA? No, hmm … let’s see … oh, well — oops!”
Latest posts by James Israel (see all)
- “Dear Leader” – the Latest Edition of the ‘News in Cartoons’ on our Humor Times App! - June 20, 2017
- Putin to Move into White House Next Week - June 14, 2017
- White House Adds ‘Dignity and Morality Waivers’ to Ethics Waivers - June 2, 2017
Like the above content? Leave a comment below! Get notified of new content on HumorTimes.com: Subscribe via email!