[Disclaimer: This article is satire, or what we used to call "fake news" before actual fake news started poisoning the political discourse!]
Invitation says ‘Come on over after the Inauguration, let’s patch things up’
President-Elect Barack Obama continued with his “unification” theme this week by sending invitations to all congressmen, Republicans and Democrats, for a “bipartisan healing,” scheduled for the day after his inauguration.
An Obama aide, speaking anonymously, said the idea was to “get past all the pent up emotion and bad feelings” between the rival parties, so that “we could move toward real unity.” “It fits in perfectly with Mr. Obama’s wide-ranging administration appointments thus far, and the forgiving nature of the president-to-be, vis-a-vis Joe Lieberman and so on,” said the source.
The aide went on to explain that, “We want it to be a real nice gathering, to start out on a friendly footing with the Republicans. You know, Barack wants to forgive and forget all those silly things that were said about him being a radical terrorist and what not. We feel the Republicans will come around, once they see that we mean them no harm.”
According to Republicans who have talked about it, the invitation asks them to bring their spouses, and a list of “everything you fear or dislike about Democrats.” Presumably, Democrats were asked to do the same about their Republican counterparts. Later, there apparently is to be a ceremony, where a “few words of reconciliation” will be pronounced, after which members of both parties will burn their lists in a fire scented with petiole oil, saying a little prayer, and “giving up the bad vibes to the universe.”
There are rumors that certain controversial figures from the left and the right who do not hold office may be invited as well. Names that were mentioned were Bill Ayers from the left – the controversial figure from Chicago whose name became so familiar to voters thanks to Sarah Palin – and Rush Limbaugh from the right, the acerbic talk radio host. A special padded room was planned to be set aside for those two to “work things out.”
“Barack Obama is an optimist at heart, and he asks, ‘why can’t we all just get along?’” said the Obama aide, adding, “and we say, sure, why not? Let’s share our deepest feelings, start out fresh – and maybe then we can get something done for the country.”
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