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And Quoth The Raven ‘Gimmee S’mores’

Dec 282015
 
 By , December 28, 2015

With apologies to Edgar Allen Poe for this blatant ripoff of his famous poem, ‘The Raven.’

 

Once upon a day bright and cheery, while I hiked a trail loved dearly

Gazing o’er cliff and valley, sagebrush green and rose hued stone —

As I walked a steady tread came a shadow overhead

Whirled and wheeled ahead this strange shape unknown

That struck within me a forbidding tone

That chilled me down to very bone.

The Raven

 

Ah, distinctly I remember it was in the hot-aired September;

When summer’s rains had ceased to pour,

And the sun’s harsh glare becomes more rare-

There above within the air something smooth and black did soar

That passed so close the very air did roar,

Something strange that Nature bore.

 

I gazed up into the autumn sky in hopes of being able to spy

This elusive thing that was either fantasy or

A creature ghastly that moved so fastly

That even lastly eye could not explore-

What is was that had come fore

Yet still I saw nothing more

 

Setting backpack on the ground intact

I wandered further to the fore

Seeking what the cause was for what o’er my head did buzz-

But strange it was I saw nothing before

That would indicate what had just flown therefore

Yet again still nothing more.

 

On chance looking back I saw there lie my pack

Scattered items on the ground before

Opened cartons lying there, contents open to the air

Packages bare and their containers tore

That gave me evidence of the culprit therefore

Upon whom the guilt I could not ignore.

 

Twas a thief noir black, brilliant with the knack

To dare invade my backpack to explore-

Opening zippers with a tweak from an ever clever beak

Devouring did the little geek that which would feed his core

And stealing things shiny and bright to store

Behind his nest’s imagined door.

 

Twas a phantom large and dark to whose voice I then did hark

A creature genius at the stealing lore-

No longer now was it so baffling as he flew by wildly laughing

For the Raven had me gaffing as he went about his chore

Of gathering all he wished to store

Of which he had many by the score.

 

 

One could never call him craven this crafty and oh, so clever Raven

Doing only as his nature forebore

Snitching meats and other such treats

Using acrobatic feats galore

But when I accosted him he did implore

That he would again do it Nevermore!

 

Yes, it was only the Raven who would dare to be so brave and

Steal the booty from right off the floor

Under where you stood and yet feel that this was good

For him it was merely food and nothing more —

So rather than accuse him I would beg to implore

That we forgive the Raven forever and forevermore.

 

(Based on a real experience.)

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Roger Freed has a fertile, if somewhat warped, imagination. Read him at your own risk! More laugh gaffes available at Semi-Humorous Humor. For something in a more serious mode get "The Book Of Songs" by Roger Freed from Lulu.com. A collection of short stories illustrating the subtle and powerful influence music can have on our minds and our spirits.
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