With apologies to Edgar Allen Poe for this blatant ripoff of his famous poem, ‘The Raven.’
Once upon a day bright and cheery, while I hiked a trail loved dearly
Gazing o’er cliff and valley, sagebrush green and rose hued stone —
As I walked a steady tread came a shadow overhead
Whirled and wheeled ahead this strange shape unknown
That struck within me a forbidding tone
That chilled me down to very bone.
Ah, distinctly I remember it was in the hot-aired September;
When summer’s rains had ceased to pour,
And the sun’s harsh glare becomes more rare-
There above within the air something smooth and black did soar
That passed so close the very air did roar,
Something strange that Nature bore.
I gazed up into the autumn sky in hopes of being able to spy
This elusive thing that was either fantasy or
A creature ghastly that moved so fastly
That even lastly eye could not explore-
What is was that had come fore
Yet still I saw nothing more
Setting backpack on the ground intact
I wandered further to the fore
Seeking what the cause was for what o’er my head did buzz-
But strange it was I saw nothing before
That would indicate what had just flown therefore
Yet again still nothing more.
On chance looking back I saw there lie my pack
Scattered items on the ground before
Opened cartons lying there, contents open to the air
Packages bare and their containers tore
That gave me evidence of the culprit therefore
Upon whom the guilt I could not ignore.
Twas a thief noir black, brilliant with the knack
To dare invade my backpack to explore-
Opening zippers with a tweak from an ever clever beak
Devouring did the little geek that which would feed his core
And stealing things shiny and bright to store
Behind his nest’s imagined door.
Twas a phantom large and dark to whose voice I then did hark
A creature genius at the stealing lore-
No longer now was it so baffling as he flew by wildly laughing
For the Raven had me gaffing as he went about his chore
Of gathering all he wished to store
Of which he had many by the score.
One could never call him craven this crafty and oh, so clever Raven
Doing only as his nature forebore
Snitching meats and other such treats
Using acrobatic feats galore
But when I accosted him he did implore
That he would again do it Nevermore!
Yes, it was only the Raven who would dare to be so brave and
Steal the booty from right off the floor
Under where you stood and yet feel that this was good
For him it was merely food and nothing more —
So rather than accuse him I would beg to implore
That we forgive the Raven forever and forevermore.
(Based on a real experience.)
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