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Tea Party American History Pop Quiz

Jan 052012
 By , January 5, 2012
Tea Party American History Pop Quiz

By Roz Warren and Janet Golden

Inspired by Sarah Palin’s infamous rewrite of American history, in which she explained that the purpose of Paul Revere’s famous ride was to “warn the British… that they weren’t going to be taking away our arms,” we present the Tea Party American Revisionist History Pop Quiz. Put on your Tea Party hat and see if you can complete these famous historical quotes:

“We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of _____
a. hand guns
b. lower taxes.
c. a smaller government

“Ask not what your country can do for you, ask _______
a. for lots of guns,
b. for lower taxes.
c. for a smaller government

‘Give me liberty or give me ________
a. an Uzi.
b. lower taxes
c. a smaller government.

“Don’t fire until you see ________
a. a tax cut
b. a smaller government
c. more handguns

The only thing we have to fear is ______
a. gun control
b. big government
c. higher taxes

“Speak softly and carry ____
a. an M-16.
b. a sign calling for the end of the Federal Reserve, NPR and the EPA.
c. a whopping tax refund.

“A house divided against itself _____
a. needs a spiffy new arsenal.
b. needs a tax break.
c. needs a smaller government.

“I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin, but by ____________
a. the caliber of their firearms.
b. the size of their tax refund.
c. how little their government does for them.

“Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this _____
a. tax code.
b. federal system.
c. gun control law.

“Go west, young man, and
a) escape big government
b) fight for lower taxes
c) take along plenty of guns.

“I only regret that I have but one life to give for
a) the right to bear arms
b) lower taxes
c) a smaller government

“Oh say does that Star Spangled Banner yet wave, o’re the land of the free, and the home of the:
a) legal assault rifle.
b) untaxed corporation.
c) downsized federal government.


[Ed note: For more on this fascinating subject, see our “fake news” article Palin Launches New, Free, Online American History College!]


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Roz Warren Roz is the author of Our Bodies, Our Shelves: A Collection Of Library Humor. She writes for The New York Times and The Funny Times. Her work also appears in Good Housekeeping, The Christian Science Monitor, The Philadelphia Inquirer and the Humor Times. Connect with her on Facebook, follow her on Twitter or visit her website.

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  • Kelly Siderio

    love it!