[Disclaimer: This article is satire, or what we used to call "fake news" before actual fake news started poisoning the political discourse!]
“My man Adolf Hitler often punched his opponents in the face, and he made Germany great again! What’s not to like?”
NYC — A flushed and defiant Donald Trump announced at a rally today that “damn right” he was just like Adolf Hitler, noting proudly: “Only more so, Buster, only more so!”
The KKK announced a pro-Hitler rally, and Fox News said that it was developing an updated “fair and balanced” look at the Fuhrer’s “tragic life.” Narrated by soft-porn model Megyn Kelly, so Ted Nugent and his friends will watch, Fox’s docubio will be called “Hitler: Where Did America Go Wrong?”
At the rally Trump said he was reacting to charges that his aggressive language, together with the violent behavior of his followers, resembled Hitler and his Brownshirts.
But to everyone’s surprise, including his supporters, Trump proudly refused to deny it.
“Of course we totally admire Der Fuhrer,” he said, expressing what his followers really feel. “Thanks to that fat pig Ivana, my former spouse, everyone knows I keep a copy of his speeches next to my bed.”
He added softly: “In my dreams I am always Hitler.”
The crowd at the rally again cheered loudly and a several black women were assaulted. They were later charged with “Resisting Trump” and thrown in jail, where they committed suicide.
Mein Trumpf went on to say that in his opinion the former Fuhrer had “absolutely gotten a bum rap from history, apparently written by some guy called Victor. It’s totally disgusting.”
“However,” he added, “Germany’s greatest and most successful leader deserves better. He was definitely on the right track.
“In one quick go, he got rid of all the country’s Commies, homos, liberals, trade unionists, uppity bimbos, journalists, liberal college professors, judges, opposition politicians, the Reichstag, Muslims, maybe a few over-rich self-hating Jews, and drug-crazed Mexican rapists — although I assume some were good people.
“But bottom line, folks, today are there no Mexicans in Deutschland!”
America’s Fuhrer-in-waiting noted that of course there were also important differences between him and “my hero, Adolf.”
“For one thing,” he pointed out, “I’m taller and blonder and have bigger hands. Also, Der Fuhrer unfortunately never had access to nuclear weapons. Imagine if he had!”
As the crowd again went wild, Trump added: “So let me just assure you, my friends, and also our Reich’s enemies, that this time it’s No More Mr Nice Guy!”
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