[Disclaimer: This article is satire, or what we used to call "fake news" before actual fake news started poisoning the political discourse!]
Donald Trump pledges to blame socialists and Democrats when the Capitol Building is burned down shortly after he becomes president.
WASHINGTON — Today, Republican presidential candidate and fascism-friendly billionaire Donald Trump dominated primary elections in Connecticut, Delaware, Maryland, Pennsylvania, and Rhode Island. In all five states, he also won the support of nearly 80% of Americans that regretted not growing up in 1930s Germany.
“Say what you will about Hitler and the Nazis; they knew what it took to make their country great again. They didn’t play any games, or allow themselves to be picked on by the press,” said the Republican front-runner.
Trump continued, “There’s a lot we can learn from 1930s Germany. It’s time for real Americans to blame their problems on ethnic and religious minorities and actively punish those groups.”
“I also pledge that when Congress burns down shortly after I become president I will blame it on the liberals, socialists, communists, and the center-right Democratic Party,” he explained.
An unidentified member of the press asked Trump if he regretted losing about 20% of Americans who really wanted to grow up in 1930s Germany to Ted Cruz.
“Americans know Lyin’ Ted doesn’t have what it takes to make America great again, and that’s why he lost huge tonight,” replied Trump.
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