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Leaping Librarian!

Jun 122016
 
 By , June 12, 2016

Bone density advice from your prune-eating, leaping librarian

For my last annual check-up, I had a bone density scan and got a nasty surprise.

Like far too many women my age, I’ve got osteoporosis.

“But I walk everywhere!” I protested to my doctor. “I walk for at least an hour a day. And I work at a public library, so I’m not only on my feet for long stretches of time but I’m always carrying books around. Isn’t checking in hefty tomes like ‘The Goldfinch’ and ‘The Luminaries’ just like lifting weights?”

Apparently not.

She told me that although all that walking is great for my overall health and keeps me lean, I am — ironically — too lean for it to constitute the kind of weight-bearing exercise that would strengthen my skeleton. (Here’s the bright side for those of you who are struggling to lose that last 10 pounds. Don’t. Carrying that extra weight around is good for your bones.)

As it turns out, I’ve also got several bad habits that, over the years, have leached the calcium out of my bones — drinking lots of coffee and over-salting my food.

My doc has given me a year to do what I can to strengthen my bones. Or else? I’ll have to go on that drug Sally Field is always pushing on TV.

I’ve researched what I can do to improve my bone density.

The answer?

Prunes!

One study concluded that when postmenopausal women ate 12 prunes a day, it improved their bone density.

Another thing I can do?

Jumping!

Women who jumped 20 times a day, according to a different study, also improved their bone density.

From now on, just think of me as the prune-eating, leaping librarian. (Prunes being what they are, I’m lucky that my digestive system is very sturdy, or I’d be the leaping farting librarian.)

I now keep a supply of prunes in the staff fridge. (The upside? Unlike my former go-to snack, vanilla jelly beans, my new snack supply lasts a lot longer, since none of my co-workers ever ask if they can have one. The downside? They’re prunes.)

Now, when you approach the circulation desk at the library where I work, I’ll leap into the air before asking “How can I help you?”

How have our patrons responded to this behavior? So far, they’ve been too polite and well-mannered to mention it. (Although one dude grinned and asked if I was working on my David Lee Roth imitation.)

I’ve also stopped over-salting my food. And I’ve cut down (a little) on my coffee drinking. It’s far too early to tell if any of this is doing me any good. Check back in a year. In the meantime? If you haven’t gotten a bone density scan, I encourage you to do so.

The sooner you get on it, the better for your bones.

I do hope that your bones, unlike mine, are fabulous. But, the next time you come into my library, if I leap into the air and ask “How can I help you?” and you leap into the air before asking if I can put “Strong Women, Strong Bones” on hold for you, I’ll leap into the air again and say “Certainly.”

Then I’ll offer you a prune.

(Roz Warren is the author of OUR BODIES, OUR SHELVES: A COLLECTION OF LIBRARY HUMOR. This piece first appeared on Zestnow.)

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Roz Warren Roz is the author of Our Bodies, Our Shelves: A Collection Of Library Humor. She writes for The New York Times and The Funny Times. Her work also appears in Good Housekeeping, The Christian Science Monitor, The Philadelphia Inquirer and the Humor Times. Connect with her on Facebook, follow her on Twitter or visit her website.

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